Life is now TWO perfect!

New BLOG

2012-01-10T23:34:00.001-05:00

hey girls...
I know how hard it is once someone you have been following during your infertility and your own struggles and then read about their love and joy that they have once they get their little miracles. I don't want to loose any followers so I am going to leave this blog to post about any infertility or PCOS discussion but I have a new blog that will follow the growth of my babies. If you are comfortable following this blog, I would love to have you as a follower because I love all, you can find me at http://mnjcoakley.blogspot.jcom/

Lack of sleep.....

2011-12-21T01:31:00.000-05:00

but so worth it. My sweet little ones had their monthly check up and Madison weighs 5 lb 10 oz and Jackson weighs 6lb 11oz. Cant believe they are about the size of a normal newborn. My son was out of preemies about a week ago but my little girl is still so tiny and has been able to still wear her preemies clothes but tonight I put on one of her jumpers and it is too short, she was not even able to straighten her legs. Crazy just how quickly they grow so now she is wearing newborns. It was sad, my little babies are already getting so big.

I am new on this preemie thing but since they were born 2 months early they have a chronological birthday (day they were born) and an adjusted age (based on due date). Per Dr. the adjusted age is used when it comes to development but I feel like my babies are not 2 months behind. I feel they are no different then any other newborn. They are already so alert, starting to hold their head up so well, and etc. I guess I will start noticing the difference a little later but its amazing to watch them start to notice things.

As for the night time, they are still on every 3 hr feeding so I dont get much sleep. I am also breastfeeding both (pumping more then breast because they are not that great at it at this point) but by the time I get them changed and fed, I have about an hour to fall asleep and be back up for the next round. My mom and sister are currently staying with me and helping and between them and my husband they are able to take turns. I however had to be up for each one but occasionally I will sleep through one. Cant wait till they are able to sleep longer then the 2 hours but they are suppose to be around 8lbs before that happens. The way they are gaining weight though it shouldnt be too much longer.

To top off our crazy emotional roller coaster of a year, my fatherinlaw passed away last night after a battle with cancer. My poor husband and his family have lost his sister and now his father. He was blessed with twins this year and he feels God took away and giveth. His sister is greatly missed and his father will be as well. They are both painless in heaven and that is a blessing. Looking forward to 2012, a fresh year with many blessing with our little ones. So happy to know the guardian angles in heaven watching over our little ones. RIP John and Jenny.

Where I have been.....

2011-12-11T23:30:00.000-05:00

I am so sorry to just now get an update about what has been going on. For those not aware, I was admitted to the hospital November 1st due to my blood pressure. I was diagnosed with Pre clampsia. Every day was a touch and go situation but on 11/7/11 due to spike in my blood pressure they performed an emergency c-section. The only cure for preeclampsia is delivery. Our little miracles: Madison Lynn at 12:52 PM weighing 3 lb 8oz and Jackson Thomas was born at 12:53 PM weighing 4 lb 9oz. I was put on magnesium drip for 24 hrs to get my blood pressure down and unfortunately this kept me from being able to see my babies till I was off. 26 hours later, I was able to see my babies and learned Madison was a little trooper and only needed a little oxygen and some IV fluids which she was completely off within a few days. Jackson had a little more trouble and did require a c-pap for several days but thanks to prayers he was taken off on 11/10/11 and then was put down to oxygen and after a little over a week he was finally off all of it.

We were able to hold our baby Madison by day 3, she was so tiny. She dropped down to 3lb 2 oz. Sadly it was a while before we were able to hold Jackson but after about a week, finally! They were in closed beds for a while and emotionally that was hard because all you could do was go in and look through glass at your babies. Not much hands on and not much snuggling which I needed.

The biggest obstacle was feeding. Due to being 2 months premature they had not acquired the suck, swallow, breath technique and we just had to work with them and work with them. At the beginning we could barely get them to take 2cc once a day but then after a little over a week they both started eating well.

Madison was the first to have her feeding tube removed and went home a few days later. Jackson feeding tube was removed the next day but he staying longer because he was having heart drops. She came home on Nov 28th and he came home on Dec 2nd. almost 4 weeks in the NICU.

We do not get much sleep. Madison came home under 4lb and Jackson under 5lb so they have to eat every 3 hours around the clock. I am attempting breast feeding so not much sleep in between. We are loving every minute of it and love watching them continue to grow. They have gotten so big since the NICU (well as big as a preemie should be). We just let the Dr this morning and Madison weighed 4 lb 12 oz and is 18 in long. Jackson is 4lb 14 oz and 19 in long. Everything looked good for both. They have started staying awake a little more with feeds and already starting with facial expressions.

Poor babies a few days old....
Madison

Jackson

Sweet tiny babies now....

32 weeks

2011-10-31T14:57:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 32 weeks and 2 days

Dr apt updates: high risk Dr did measurement and growth u/s last week and everything looked great. They are no longer measuring my cervix because at this point it would be safe to deliver. At this point, I now just stay on bedrest and wait for contractions or any other complications then it will be time. If nothing, I am scheduled for 37 weeks.

Size of Baby: Thursday ultrasound Baby A (Madison) measured 3 LB 10 OZ and Baby B (Jackson) measured 4 LB 5 OZ. They both looked good and their fluids are great.

Belly Picture:

They were able to get Jackson's 3D photo a couple of weeks ago and finally was able to get Madisons.....

Weight Gain: still only around 8 lbs of weight gain at this point

Sleep: I have learned that sleeping propped up is more comfortable then laying flat on my side. It has seemed to help get more then an hr at a time.

Milestones: I have made it to 32 weeks which means I can deliver at the hospital I wanted to (if less then 32 weeks I would have to deliver at the other hospital due to NICU)

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling comfortable again

Week 30 and 31

2011-10-25T12:49:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: today 31 weeks and 3 days

Size of Baby: babies are getting measured on Thursday

Picture:

30 weeks

31 weeks

Weight Gain: 8 pounds last week, I have been gaining about 2 pounds a week now

Sleep: I take naps between getting comfortable and going to pee

Milestones: getting to 34 weeks (last Dr apt my cervix was very thin)

Movement: movement is all the time and very strong, its such an amazing experience

Food Cravings: milk but I have noticed the last few months my appetite has really picked up

What I'm Looking Forward to: holding my sweet babies

Bedrest and good news :)

2011-10-12T15:32:00.001-04:00

Okay, bedrest is no fun. It is so boring and my best advise for anyone on it you just have to find stuff to do. My first project was the bookcase for the nursery. This was from my Grandma's house who passed away a few years ago. I felt it would be important to be in their room but it was just tan. So, I got creative.....

When I was told by the Dr that I was on permentant bed rest till the babies are here. I decide I have to find stuff to do. I was originally going to order the letters to put above their crib but instead I bought them and will decorate them. They are not done yet but will post when I am complete. I also decided just to do random canvas painting for the nursery. Here is one I just completed....

Now for the good news.

***As my last post stated, I had to do the 24 hr urine test for pre clampsia. I am happy to say I passed although they are still going to watch my blood pressure because it still is high.

***I also had my gestational diabetes test done the same day, well I PASSED! This was a big milestone for me because with PCOS and being insulin resistance, my Dr didnt expect me to pass. I am really excited about that.

***Last, the FFN test I took on Monday came back negative.

YEAH! Just felt good for once in the last month to have good news. Not having to worry about gestational diabetes or pre clampsia is a blessing. Now hopefully my cervix will stay and Monday I will have more good news.

29 weeks

2011-10-10T13:59:00.000-04:00

After being released from the hospital I have had several apt. The Monday afterwards, Madison's fluids has sustained from the IV fluids and my cervix looked good so they allowed me to go back to work. Went to work Tuesday through half a day on Thursday when I had my check up at the high risk. My cervix had made quite the change during this time period and I was officially put on permanent bedrest. I also had a high blood pressure so I had to complete a 24 hr urine collection over the weekend which sucked. I couldnt believe at 27 weeks I was already on bedrest but what ever is best for the babies.

Jason left that weekend to go see his Dad and I took it pretty easy. I will say I did go do a little bit of shopping and found some cute outfits for the babies. Today they wanted to do a FFN to check if I am at risk of labor in the next two weeks. My cervix is a little longer then 1 (cm I think) but when I was contracting, it was less then 1. Cervix is still close however which is a good sign. I had to do the sugar test today and I should know the results for pre-clampsia test tomorrow. So, now just waiting on test results.

How Far Along: 29 weeks and 1 day

Size of Baby: last week Jackson weighed 2lb 14 oz and Madison was 2lb 4 oz.....yes she is smaller then him but they said could be margin of error due to her low fluids or its natural for male to be larger then female

Picture: not one this week

Weight Gain: about 6 pounds

Sleep: ugh.....I rest but not sleep. I can not get comfortable at all

Milestones: 3rd trimester

Movement: my belly is constantly jumping and they have started what I think rolling and its noticeable

Symptoms: swelling of the hands, back aches, braxton hicks, and lots of pressure

Food Cravings: nothing particular, my appetite is allot larger now

What I'm Looking Forward to: babies to be here and be healthy :)

28 weeks

2011-10-03T14:47:00.002-04:00

Jackson's sweet face, he was the only one wanting to participate this morning during the ultrasound and the nurse surprised me by taking a 3D shot of him. I thought it was so awesome. Look at those cheeks.

So, have had an eventful last couple of days. Last post I mentioned the shortening of my cervix and I had an u/s scheduled for Thursday. (Sept 29) During the ultrasound they found my cervix had not changed which was good because that means it wasnt actively thinning. However, when they looked at Madison's fluid they saw that hers was about half of what Jackson's was. Her bloodflow to umbilical cord was high. They then decided to monitor me for 30 min and see how her heartrate was. During the monitoring I had a contraction and her heart rate dropped. With the combination of her heart rate dropping and her having low fluids, they sent me straight to the hospital where I stayed for 24 hrs. During that time they had me on IV fluids to see if they would be able to increase her fluids and also had me on a monitor the whole stay to see if her heart dropped during any other contractions.

They had me so scared though because my OB came in and started discussing c-section procedures with me and NICU and etc. They made me fast from the time I got there for about 6 hrs incase I had to have the c-section. It was something I didnt even want to think about at only 28 weeks. They started me on steroids to help strengthening the babies lungs in case they come early.

After a night in the hospital on fluids, her fluid did go up a little bit. Enough they felt okay with sending me home. This morning had a follow up appointment and her fluids have stayed the same but her umbilical flow looks good. I go back on Thursday for a growth measurement and hopefully she is growing at the rate she should. One of the fears of low amniotic fluid is not enough room for the baby to grow. So, now I just wait. If they are unable to keep her with a steady amount of fluid, I may be spending the rest of my pregnancy in a hospital bed. I just pray this is no the case.

Eventful transition to 3rd Trimester

2011-09-26T12:45:00.000-04:00

Well, I will do the Dr update first. Wed, 9/ 21st I started feeling very uncomfortable at work. Shortning of breath and few back to back contractions. I called my Dr and he said to come in labor and delivery right away. I was scared to death. Didnt know what to think after the apt I had on Monday. My husband had been home sick, I tried to call him the whole way to the hospital and couldnt reach him. Finally, a friend of ours was able to wake him up (yes, he will sleep through anything) and he was on his way. They put the monitor on the babies, both heart beats were strong and steady. They did the FFN and it was negative. They did find out I had a UTI, gave me medicine and sent me home with rest.

Went to high risk appointment this morning to see if any change from last Monday and my cervix has continued funneling (opening) and now cervix has shortened. They monitored for 30 minutes to see if I was contracting, luckily I was not. They sent me home with strict bedrest until Thursday. I go back on Thursday and hopefully no change in cervix or if there is change its due to my cervix getting longer again. Only time will tell. For now, it looks like allot of laying down and soreness (from laying down) is here. Hopefully, this is temp. I cant imagine having bedrest from here on out but its about the babies and what they need at this point.

How Far Along: 27 weeks and 2 days

Size of Baby: both weighing over 2 pounds a piece

Picture: not one this week

Weight Gain: have not weighed yet this week, OB apt on Thursday

Sleep: still not getting much, the twins like to play soccer at about 1:00 AM for hours

Milestones: 3rd trimester

Movement: twins are making their

Symptoms: swelling of the hands, back aches, braxton hicks, and lots of pressure

Food Cravings: milk

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling comfortable again

Last belly photo of 2nd trimester......

2011-09-21T09:00:00.004-04:00

compared to 16 weeks, my first belly photo....

Photos just dont show the growth nor how much more solid my belly has gotten. Crazy the growing really starts the 3rd trimester...how big will I get? :)

26 weeks

2011-09-20T17:04:00.001-04:00

He has his daddy's toes :)

How Far Along: 26 weeks and 2 days

Size of Baby: Madison (baby A) measured a little less then 2 pounds and Jackson (baby B) measured over 2 pounds

Picture:
Baby A (Madison): she found her feet :)

Baby B (Jackson):

Weight Gain: 4 pounds (all babies)

Belly: belly gets bigger everynight

Sleep: breathing has been difficult and heartburn...not to mention having to pee every 45 minutes so I get it when I can get it

Milestones: we are pass the point, per books, where they would be able to survive if born today

Movement: these babies are moving all the time and the fun is now hurt, although I love feeling them knowing they are there

Symptoms: I know I am not officially in 3rd trimester till next week but I think I can say with twins, I am in my 3rd trimester, all the horribles of 1st are coming back

Food Cravings: extremely cold APPLE JUICE

Gender: BOY AND GIRL found out July 18, 2011

Names: Madison Lynn and Jackson Thomas

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling ready for the babies, have a while to go

Dr updates: had high risk apt yesterday and didnt get the best of news. My cervix has started opening at the top. Luckily the length of my cervix has not changed. I go next Monday for a test to determine if I am at high risk of pre term labor and then they will decide on what my next steps are.

Also, Madison placenta fluids are low. They arent sure why and are going to monitor. If you look at the ultrasound pics, you can see the difference in fluid levels. Really concerned about this but Dr said its more just something to watch at this point.

Labor and Delivery Tour

2011-09-13T15:17:00.000-04:00

So, yesterday hubby and I did the tour of where are little bundles of joys will enter the world. It is a brand new hospital so everything is brand new and sparkly. They have no visiting hours, so family can come and go all night. They have maternity suites which are similar to a hotel suite and have flat screens, DVR, fridge, bed for husband and etc. Very very nice and very excited we are getting to deliver there.

Babies stay in the room with us the whole time, unless they have to go to NICU of course which I am nervous about because they are twins and may came early. If they go to NICU and because I am having a c-section, it will be 12 hours at the earliest I will get to see them. I am so upset about this. Luckily, Jason will get to go in within an hour after they get them set up but I dont like I have to wait so long. I am just going to keep praying we will not have to worry about the NICU.

Another surprise, even with a c-section, you are on track to be discharged at 48 hours. I thought with c-section it was longer but hey, less time in the hospital the better.

So, as you can see we learned allot yesterday. Made everything so real and so close. I havent been feeling the greatest this week, I have a very heavy feeling and lots of pressure. I called my OB and she said since I wasnt having any contractions or fluids, I should be able to wait till my high risk apt on Monday but to take it easy for the rest of the week. She thinks the babies have just changed positions and have made it more uncomfortable but doesnt feel concerned. However, if I get any heavy fluid or contractions, I am to come to the office right away. Guess we will see how the rest of the week goes.

Just for your information.... I AM NOT READY nor want to be on bedrest already. I am hoping the Dr is right and they have just changed positions. I am starting to realize how short my time may be. We are now setting up appointments with daycares and pediatricians. Nursery is not even close to being done...just feel like so much to do and not enough time!

Week 23

2011-09-01T14:12:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 23 weeks and 5 days

Size of Baby: they are both over a pound and about a foot long, most books refer to them as a little baby doll

Picture: no picture for this week

Weight Gain: had OB apt and I am officially at my start weight, not a pound more

Belly: slowed down on growing

Sleep: some nights I can fall asleep as soon as I hit my pillow and sleep almost through the ngiht before I have to go pee and then other nights, I will toss and turn and get up and pee about 8 times. Havent found out how to sleep well everynight and I know it doesnt exist :(

Milestones: now feeling both babies kick, poor Madison placenta was in front of her and she just couldnt kick hard enough but it was scaring me.

Movement: wow, my babies are very active and feel them all the time. My OB said she was glad the high risk Dr was doing my measurements. haha.

Symptoms: still heartburn, I have to sleep propt up. Also starting to feel very heavy in the afternoon from the weight of belly.

Food Cravings: I am thirsty all the time and nothing seems to quinch the thirst. No food really....

Gender: BOY AND GIRL found out July 18, 2011

Names: Madison Lynn and Jackson Thomas

What I'm Looking Forward to: getting nursery completed, husband just finished painting and starting on the cribs.

Dr updates: OB apt went well, belly measured where it should, gained weight since last apt, and babies heartbeats look good. Dont have another apt until Sept 19 with high risk.

22 weeks

2011-08-25T15:37:00.002-04:00

How Far Along: 22 weeks today

Size of Baby: at 21 weeks and 4 days ultrasound, babies weighed 1 pound and few ounces each

Picture:

Weight Gain: I still have not gained any weight, however, I am officially back at my start weight.

Belly: cant see my feet anymore :(

Sleep: I have bronchitis...so not only hard to get comfortable but between coughing and peeing, I pretty much just nap through the night.

Milestones: Jason felt the babies kick at 21 weeks for the first time.

Movement: feel them all the time now, however Jackson allot more but found out at apt its because Madison placenta is in front of her so she has to kick allot harder.

Symptoms: HEARTBURN!!! ugh...its so bad and tums just doesn't do the trick.

Food Cravings: no big cravings right now but much heavier appetite.

Gender: BOY AND GIRL found out July 18, 2011

What I'm Looking Forward to: finishing our nursery and having everything ready

Dr updates: high risk apt last week went really well. Due to babies being IVF babies, they did echogram on each baby. Its crazy how much they can determine on those ultrasound machines. Anyways, both babies hearts looked great and they are both measuring where they need to be. My cervix is still very high and closed, dont have to be seen back for 4 more weeks. :)

Illinois Baby Shower

2011-08-21T12:15:00.001-04:00

Last week we took the last trip to Illinois to see our family before the twins are here. Our loved ones through us an amazing baby shower and we got so much needed stuff. We couldnt ask for better friends and family. I have posted the photos from the shower. We made it home on Wednesday in time for Thursday's high risk appointments and everything checked out great. I was a little worried because it takes us 15 hrs by car to get there and 15 hrs back. It was a long trip! Especially while I was there I started getting sick which what I later found out was bronchitis. I feel allot better now but we are using this Sunday (first Sunday off and nothing to do) to just veg and watch movies. MUCH NEEDED!!!!

Enjoy photos....

wow, 20 weeks!!!

2011-08-09T12:27:00.000-04:00

I will do my 20 week post like usual when I get a chance but got exciting news this morning. If you remember I failed my 1 hr glucose test a week ago so I had to go for the long glucose test with fasting (which by the way, for pregnant woman it is not even fair game) Long story short, I didnt make it without passing out and finished my test in hospital bed. Good thing I got through it and Dr called this morning and told me I passed all 4 draws! YEAHHHH!!!! No gestational diabetes for me! well for now of course, I will have to do the 1 hr again at 28 weeks and hopefully get the same results except this time I hope I pass the 1 hr first. This is huge for me though becasue with PCOS about 70% get gestational diabetes. I do have to remember though, most woman GD doesnt come on till 24 weeks so still have a hump to get pass. For now though, GOOD NEWS!!!!

As for other things, I think Jason and I finally have decided on names. We have had our boy name picked out for years...my mothers maiden name is Jackson and she has wanted a grandson named Jackson. We both really liked the name and it goes well with hubby's middle name Thomas so JACKSON THOMAS it is...now when we found out other twin was a girl, we had a few names in mind but just havent been able to decide. We have always liked Jadyn but it has become very popular and I really wanted something unique but southern bell. So we threw around Emma, also very common and Jordan. My sister and I was talking about names and she brought up Addison which would give our girl my initials but found Madison which is very unique....I thought how perfect because it ends in SON like Jason and Jackson (which have you notice a theme, maybe the third child will have something from me) and we had decided her middle name should be Lynn due to family name on Jason's side plus his sister middle name....So

Madison Lynn it is which I love how Maddie Lynn sounds so more then likely would be what we end up calling her.

So, we are 99% sure we will be naming our twins:

Jackson Thomas and Madison Lynn!!

19 weeks

2011-08-03T11:37:00.001-04:00

How Far Along: 19 weeks and 3 days

Size of Baby: "Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato" http://www.babycenter.com/6_your-pregnancy-19-weeks_1108.bc

Picture: no baby pictures but here is a horrible belly pic....sorry I decided to take it this morning while I was getting ready. I am going to start forcing my self to take them when my husband gets home at night....

Weight Gain: Dr apt last week I am still -6. No weight gain and this was a discussion this time. She said to start eating more meals a day...so we will see when I go back.

Belly: getting big although I dont feel that big for almost 20 weeks with twins :)

Sleep: a thing in the past... swimming before bedtime has helped me get more comfortable. its getting up every 2 hours to pee that keeps me up.

Milestones: half way mark reached for 38 weeks (twins full term)

Movement: still no strong movement which kinda worries me but the DR said everyone is different

Symptoms: dizzy, tired all the time, and new thing...sitting down and feeling fine but standing up and feel like I am going to wet my pants

Food Cravings: the most horrible craving I can have....fountain COKE! I know, I know, I have limited myself to one a day

Gender: BOY AND GIRL found out July 18, 2011

What I'm Looking Forward to: strong kicks from both babies so I know they are there and moving

Dr updates: Due to PCOS, they recommened 2 glucose test. Well, I did my first one last Friday and unfortunately I failed it. I now have to do the 3 hr glucose test which I am doing on Monday. I pray I pass that one. She says often people will fail the first and pass the second....and I know, drinking sodas is not going to help. So I have two reasons to cut it out, caffiene and GD.

Posted by Coakley's Journey at 2:00 PM

Overwhelming....

2011-07-23T13:40:00.000-04:00

Alright for those expecting, have you registered yet?

Wow, so overwhelming with all the stuff out there and having to make so many choices. If its your first child you are kinda blind in knowing what is really needed and what is fluff. I think if I was having one it wouldnt be as hard but having two and two different genders, it has been difficult. I dont want to have neutral everything because I want my girl to be a girly and my son to be a boy so of course I registered for allot of the same thing just one blue and one pink. Our place is going to look so cliche...

For those breastfeeding, I have had a hard time deciding on which pump to invest in...I did find this website and it helped me make a decission so thought I would share. Looks like I am going to go with Ameda over Medela due to the sanitary reasons. Reviews look to be the same for both. If you have advise, feel free to leave it.

I know some may be wondering why I registered so early but due to traveling restrictions soon, my family lives in IL and wanted to have a baby shower for me. So I am having a baby shower on Aug 13th and will only be 21 weeks...oh well. I am excited to start getting things done and ready, maybe I wont feel so overwhelmed.

Other things I have done to prepare....
*cleaning the husband office/University of Illinois room out which will be the nursery. We dont have much storage being in a condo so it has not been fun plus having to get rid of allot.
*started this week we have ripped up all carpet in the house and going back with hard wood. Really excited about this because I know how nasty carpet can get and just makes me feel better knowing we will be breathing cleaner air and of course easier to clean stains up is a plus.

17 weeks

2011-07-19T14:00:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 17 weeks and 2 days

Size of Baby: websites say about the size of a onion....ultrasound they both were at 7 ounces.

Picture: my baby girl all comfy....

Jackson's profile and she is snuggled right behind him....this was the best profile we could get to him because she was always in the shot. Love it though!

Weight Gain: 1 pound up this week but still 7 pounds under start weight

Belly: SORE!

Sleep: some nights can sleep well but for most part having trouble getting comfortable.

Milestones: high risk ultrasound was done and heart, brian, bones, kidney and etc are all developing right...makes you feel good

Movement: still no definite but lots of flutters

Symptoms: short of breath and dizzy

Food Cravings: nothing this week

Gender: BOY AND GIRL found out July 18, 2011

What I'm Looking Forward to: knowing the unknown like what bedrest is going to look like

We are having......

2011-07-18T16:22:00.000-04:00

yes, its a boy and a girl. If I get a chance I will upload a copy of the photos but there is no doubt. Both of them legs open and clearly one was a female and the other a male. We are so excited, its perfect.

Ultrasound went well, it was a long appointment with our high risk Dr. He counted the toes, fingers, checked brain, spinal, arms, legs and so forth. Heart was looked at and both looked perfect. As of right now we have nothing to be concerned about. They both weigh about 7 ounces and measuring about 7 weeks and 3 days which si about 2 days ahead of schedule.

Is today the day?

2011-07-18T09:52:00.000-04:00

Today we have our appointment with high risk Dr at 12:45 eastern time. We were told they should be able to tell us the genders today. We are so excited but I am nervous too because of so many that have had the hopes and then the babies dont coroperate. I hope we dont have that problem. I will let yo know.....only about 3 hours to go.

TTC Journey added.....

2011-07-13T09:54:00.000-04:00

Hello to my followers. Just wanted to make my new followers or old that are unware of our infertility journey that I finally sat down and created a TTC timeline page on blog. YOu should see towards the top a new tab. Please feel free to ask any questions, I did keep it general not listing any specific meds but you get the idea of the long road we have taken to finally be expecting our two bundles of joy!

comments....

2011-07-12T19:21:00.001-04:00

I am still having so much trouble leaving comments on same peoples blogs. I have noticed that if it has the pop up comment box, it tends to automatically choose my blog. If you go to settings and comments and choose to have pop up box for comments, this may help. I did change the setting on my blog so if anyone had problems, hopefully that helped. Let me know if it doesnt or makes it harder.

16 Weeks

2011-07-09T09:03:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 16 weeks today...going into my 5th month...crazy!

Size of Baby: both babies are the size of an avocado ...4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces

Picture: I know yall have been asking for belly shot, my husband is out of town so sorry for the poor cell phone quality!

Weight Gain: still down from starter weight, currently I have lost 7 pounds.

Belly: belly is taking form, still just feel fat some days

Stretch Marks: no new ones

Sleep: SUCKS! I can not get comfortable and I wake up with my belly so sore in the morning

Milestones: both babies passed their nuchal test and they passed the down syndrome test...yeah!

Movement: feeling flutters

Symptoms: nausea has gotten better, just kinda comes and goes now. I am getting more tired and out of breath

Food Cravings: peach milkshake from Chickfila

Gender: 7 more days....cant wait!

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling the movement and knowing sex

Doctor APT: I had been having slight discharge and same cramping, I was scared because I had just taken the long trip to and from Illinois. She did u/s and both babies hearts were 145 BPM which is normal and they were growing fine. She did culture to find out I have bacterial vaginosis which I guess is common in pregnant women due to hormones but you have to catch it or can cause preterm labor. I am on medicine for a week and then its suppose to be gone but may come back. yeah for me.....

Do you believe.....

2011-07-07T11:59:00.001-04:00

Not going to do my normal weekly post. I missed the 14th week because on Monday, June 27th my husband received the most unexpected call. His brother advised that their sweet sister, Jennifer, had passed away. She had been struggling for some time and her "big" heart just couldnt take it anymore. Of course, the Dr would not allow me to fly so we packed up the clothes and hit the road on a 16 hr car trip to Illinois. It was a long and difficult trip. My sister-in-law was the sweetest, kindest, and most innocent person I had ever met. She was so excited that she was going to have two nieces or nephews and we were so excited that they were going to have her as an aunt. It was a very hard week. We got through it but the pain is still not gone. There is now a void in our life without hearing her laugh or seeing her sweet smile. Not to mention her bigger then life hugs she would give you like she hasnt seen you in years. Jenny was always the first one at the hospital anytime someone she loved had a baby and she had to have a picture taken holding the new bundle of joy. We will never have that picture and it hurts. We know though she is now our children's guardian angel and we couldnt have asked for a better one. We know she was greated into heaven by our angel baby. Jenny, you will be missed and we love you very much.

To the title of my post, do you believe that when one person leaves another enters? My father-in-law was diagnosed with Esophagus cancer in December and he is not doing very well. My husband is convinced he is having twins because he is going to loose his dad and sister in the same year. At first, I didnt understand what he meant by this. I had always heard the saying but I never thought about it. After Jenny passed, I really thought about why after 5 years, we did get pregnant this year and why with twins. Why in one year is my husband and I are going to loose two very important people to us. I know God has sympathy and this may be his way of helping Jason and his family cope with the loss.

I pray and ask for prayers that my father-in-law will make it to hold his grandchildren. I know its not our decision but I want my husband to experience watching his proud Dad holding his children. Please keep our family in your prayers!

13 weeks

2011-06-21T19:09:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 13 weeks and 2 days

Size of Baby: babies are the size of a large peach

Picture of Baby: the photos are from last Friday but they will do....

Maternity Clothes: love my maternity clothes, my mom bought me several outfits when she visited and I am lucky

Weight Gain: still no weight gain but I am finally able to eat a little bit more and more each day.

Belly: no mistaken that I am pregnant, round and plump

Stretch Marks: got a few white marks this week

Sleep: I sleep pretty well but dont feel like I have when I wake up

Best Moment of the Week: during the ultrasound we got to see our first real movement, Baby A posed but had the hicups. Baby B was Phelps swimming front, back, and side. He didnt sit still the whole ultrasound

Movement: cant wait!

Symptoms: nausea is still strong

Food Cravings: fruit

Gender: scheduled for u/s July 18th.... :)

What I Miss: still missing feeling normal

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling the movement and knowing sex

Weekly Wisdom: ughhhh not thinking

Milestones: according to my Dr I am in the 2nd trimester

Emotions: I love my babies!

I promise I havent forgot about yall

2011-06-15T12:09:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone, just wanted to do a quick post and let yall know everything is okay. nothing happened, I know its been a while since I have posted. I have been so sick with nausea and my family was here for 2 weeks, I just have not had time to sit down and post but I promise I will soon.

I have my Nuchal U/S this Friday, I will post results of course :)

Babies are growing fine because my belly is growing. I look about 4 months pregnant but its nice people can finally tell versus just looking fat.

Alright, love yall and talk soon

PS....I am following everyone but for some reason I cant post. I dont want you to think I dont care.

10 weeks

2011-06-02T11:02:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 10 weeks and 3 days

Size of Baby: Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce.

Baby A measuring perfect, Baby B was measuring a few days a head

Picture of Baby: probably no more twin shots but put their individual side by side. They are so cute...in love already :)

Maternity Clothes: I am wearing all maternity pants now but I still have some shirts I am able to wear

Weight Gain: well, dropped another 2 pounds because I have been too sick to eat. Got so Zofran to start taking to help.

Belly: I plan on taking a picture next week....so to come....

Stretch Marks: got a few white marks this week

Sleep: my back has been killing me this week so sleep has been hard

Best Moment of the Week: my mom and sister got to come to my U/S...it was just nice to share the moment

Movement: I have felt flutters but I know its probably too soon...maybe gas?

Symptoms: um.....everything! This week I have had allot of soreness in the belly from stretching

Food Cravings: mentos

Gender: dont know....cant wait :)

What I Miss: still missing feeling normal

What I'm Looking Forward to: still feeling the movement

Weekly Wisdom: too tired this week to think

Milestones: I am now in the double digit weeks and have entered the fetal period

Emotions: I love my babies!

out of the single digits :)

2011-05-30T11:07:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post, I am officially out of the single digits today. 10 WEEKS! Feels so good, well I still dont feel good but the milestone does. I have had a horrible weekend. I am so out of breath when I do anything and nauseated all the time. I cant wait to see if its true it gets better in the 2nd trimester.

I have my last ultrasound this week with our RE on Wed. I am excited to graduate and move to my OB who I love but I also love the nurses and DR at my RE. So, its going to be bitter sweet.

I will post more on Wed!

9 weeks

2011-05-24T09:53:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: 9 weeks and 1 day

Size of Baby: Baby A was measuring right at 9 weeks, Baby B was measuring 9 week and 3 days....they are both about the size of an olive

Picture of Baby: we didnt get that great of photos this week...hopefully next week will be better. they are still doing vaginal u/s and baby B (top) just doesnt photograph well. They said it will be different with belly scan, cant wait.

Maternity Clothes: I broke down and bought a pair of maternity jeans and a dress....looking for a bathing suit

Weight Gain: finally gained a few pounds this week, still below my starting weight

Belly: feel more bloated then pregnant right now

Stretch Marks: none from the pregnancy yet

Sleep: not the greatest, I just cant seam to get comfortable

Best Moment of the Week: telling everyone finally, something about telling the world that makes you feel more pregnant

Movement: not yet but cant wait

Symptoms: horrible week of nausea and no ENERGY!

Food Cravings: cherry sprite

Gender: dont know....

What I Miss: feeling normal

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling the movement in my belly

Weekly Wisdom: twins due cause your first trimester to suck even more

Milestones: my body is producing my hormones for me, I am now off prometrium and estrogen

Emotions: so excited and finally pregnancy is feeling real

8 weeks

2011-05-19T11:24:00.001-04:00

How Far Along: today I am 8 weeks and 3 days

Size of Baby: both babies are the size of a kidney bean and they are measuring to date

Picture of Baby: again Baby A is very photogenic as you can see in the fetal position. Baby B is actually looking at us on in the picture, he is on the right. on the ultrasound you could actually see eyes and face.

Maternity Clothes: i have a pair of capris from my last pregnancy and I have to admit I wear them. my jeans are very snug. its time to go get some essentials.

Weight Gain: i have actually lost weight, i have lost about 5 pounds from my start weight

Belly: belly is there.....we have decided to start telling people because I am getting stares...I AM NOT FAT lol

Stretch Marks: none from the pregnancy yet

Sleep: I have been on bedrest this week due to bleeding so I have had TOO much sleep. my body is sore from laying down.

Best Moment of the Week: seeing such clear photos of baby A in the fetal position and seeing Baby B face

Movement: not yet but cant wait

Symptoms: ugh still have all the first trimester symptoms....nauseated, hungry, thirsty, mouth watering, tired, dizzy, and cramps (growing pain)

Food Cravings: icecream

Gender: still dont know.....thinking baby A is girl/ baby B is boy

What I Miss: still Dr Pepper and hot baths

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling okay with pregnancy, I had spotting recently and I am ready to see the twinkies next week to have comfort.

Weekly Wisdom: twins cause more bleeding and complications

Milestones: we have past the point where we lost our angel baby

Emotions: scared and concerned but still happy

Going stir crazy but the babies are okay......

2011-05-16T13:59:00.000-04:00

So, it happened again. Last night I started bleeding, red, about the amount of a light period. It last about 10 hours. I was so worried, twice in one week, this cant be good. Baby B was so hard to measure at our 7 week appointment and I was so nervous he/she was not okay. I called the Dr this morning and they took me right away.

Waiting for the ultrasound felt like it was taking forever. I really didnt know how to prepare my self for what I was about to see. I was so upset at first because my husband was not going to be able to be there and I wanted him to be there. Luckily, he made it.

Doctor comes in, she knows we are worried so she gets right too it. Baby A, front and center like always with a 170 heartbeat. Baby B hiding like usual but nice strong heartbeat of 180. I just started crying, it was automatic relief. They both measured at 8 weeks exactly which is what I am today.

Dr then shows me a huge spot on the ultrasound and says this is where the blood is coming from. She said its not harmful to the babies or that close but that I was to be on bedrest till Wed. I go back on Wed for another ultrasound to see if it has calmed down. I am just so glad that everything is okay, just knew with all that blood, it couldnt be good.

Oh, the cutest thing today we got to see baby B arm and baby A was photogenic as well. Crazy how in love you can be when they are no bigger then a pea.

7 weeks

2011-05-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

How Far Along: today I am 7 weeks and 2 days

Size of Baby: they are both about the size of a blueberry, I dont remember the exact measurements she provided....

Picture of Baby: Baby A was very photogenic, he/she is too the left. Baby B however, has a huge condo but he/she is all the way down at the bottem.

Maternity Clothes: the twins have given me a belly, tight restrictive clothes are deffinitly out now, I like loose. I plan to go shopping at 9 weeks.

Weight Gain: gained 2 pounds this week

Belly: cant hide it much longer, makes my husband smile though, its so cute

Stretch Marks: not yet....keeping that cream on

Sleep: not sleeping as good as I was the last couple of weeks but still getting plenty of rest.

Best Moment of the Week: during the ultrasound, the nurse had both heartbeats in view, it was awesome

Movement: not yet but can feel the belly stretching

Symptoms: nausea is my best friend right now and I dont want to be its friend. They did give me medicine but I am scared to take it. I am using sea bands and they are helping.

Food Cravings: pickles and chicken nuggets

Gender: everyong keeps saying 2 girls, I would like boy/girl

What I Miss: Dr Pepper and hot baths

What I'm Looking Forward to: feeling okay with pregnancy, I had spotting recently and I am ready to see the twinkies next week to have comfort.

Weekly Wisdom: that spotting is usual in pregnancy

Milestones: able to see an actuall figure on the ultrasound, Baby A head and tail was clear.

Emotions: scared and concerned but still happy

bleeding....

2011-05-11T07:51:00.000-04:00

I am so freakin out right now thinking not again. We had our ultrasound yesterday. Saw both babies heartbeats at 130 and they were measuring to the day. Everything looked great. Latter that night, I went to put my progesterone in and I had blood in my panties. Red! Sure enough I wiped and it was red. Called the nurse on duty and she said its normal and call in the morning if I am still bleeding. About 3:00 AM got up to go to the bathroom and wiped kinda pinkish blood but I had a liner on and nothing in the liner. Then this morning is now a brownish blood.....

I am going to call and make them give me an ultrasound or something. My next u/s is next Wed but I dont want to wait that long to find out if something happened to one or both. Last time I had to have a D&C, so I am not sure what too look for in a miscarriage.....

Please pray for me and my babies!

UPDATE....

Called the nurse this morning and told her it was now a brownish blood. She said that sounds like its tapering off. She said its normal after a pelvic exam to sometimes have some blood. She asked what I did afterwards, I said I went shopping. She is not worried because I dont have any cramping and its no longer red. She told me to monitor the blood but she didnt think I need to come in for an ultrasound, everything should be good still...

WHAT, that doesnt help. That is a should be? why cant I just come in and see....

anyone ever have anything like this?

Infertility from A to Z

2011-05-10T11:47:00.000-04:00

I read this at JSpuared and thought it was an awesome insight for the IF world. Feel free to copy and use, would love to read your answers!

A – Age at Which you Started Trying To Conceive: 23
B – Baby Dancing or Sex: baby dancing
C – Children Wanted: set of 3, now with twins looking at 4 children
D – Dogs/Cats/Fill In Babies: our furbaby, Louie, and my BF child
E – Essential Oils/Vitamins: Prenatal vitamin
F – Fertility Meds I’ve Taken: Baby aspirin, prenatal vitamin, Letrozole, Clomid, Lupron, Prometrium, low dose HCG, trigger shot, Estradiol,, Ovidrel, Follistem, Gonel-F (I am sure I have left off many, lets just say, we have done allot!)
G – Gain, What I have Gained from Infertility: how wonderful my husband has been through out the process and how awesome our families are for support. you really find out who is really there for you!
H – HSG test: yes, hated it but everything was good
I – Infertile Pet Peeve: When people tell you, dont worry if you cant have a baby you can adopt? um, have you looked into the cost of adoption, the waiting list, or even the emotion regarding new born adoptions then of course the famous words "it will happen" no it will not just happen, I have ovulation issues, I DONT OVULATE! you cant have a baby if you dont ovulate
J – Job Title: claims adjuster
K – Kids Names you are Afraid will be Taken: it has already happened and I credit about it for days. it was special, my mothers maiden name was Jackson and she said she wanted her first grandson to be named Jackson. Well, Jason and I talked about it when we first got married and loved it and had it picked since that day. Unfortunatly, there will now be two Jacksons in our family but only one Jackson Thomas Coakley :)
L – Lengh of Time Trying to Conceive: 4 years
M – Miscarriages: 1 at 10 weeks
N – Number of Times you have Swiched Reproductive Endocrinologists: once but I dont think it counts because we went back to our first one
O – Ovarian Quality: they produce follicles, usually empty ones ;(
P – Pee-On-A-Stick or Wait for Aunt Flo: I am a pee-on-a-stick aholic and it doesnt help my husband is too.....
Q – Quote from an Obnoxious Fertile: "your doing fertility treatments, is that because yall dont want to natural" are you KIDDING me, who wants to go through all the pain and suffering of hormones and shots and lets not forget the financial part when I could just MAKE LOVE TO MY HUSBAND...ughhhh
S – Sperm: nice high count, just has a few lazy boys...
T – Time you Tried Naturally: we are always trying naturally hoping for a miracle (5 years)
U – Uterus Quality: slightly tilted but looks good
V – Vagina: No complaints there
W – What Baby Stuff do you Already Have: my mom and sister just purchased me a playyard from Ellen's show for mothers day....that will be my first baby purchase
X – Xtra, Xtra, Hear all about it! How many people know about your TTC Journey: at first, family and close friends, now its like WHATEVER!
Y – Yearly Exam: every year, usually September...my RE recommends an annual
Z – Zits: I take hormones, what do you think!

Mother's Day!!!!!

2011-05-08T11:12:00.000-04:00

What a wonderful and special day! Although, it can be hard for us that struggle with infertility or have had a loss, what a special day it is!

My lovely aunt sent me a "Happy Mothers Day" last year. She reminded me that just because my baby was an angel baby, I was still a earth mother and had created a special being I would one day get to meet in heaven. My husband sent me chocolate covered strawberries and told me to be patient, in God's time.

This mothers day is different, still remembering our precious angel baby, we are waiting on the arrival of our two Twinkies. Having morning sickness and just being tired all the time makes me appreciate all the mothers out there that have gone through this many times. After bringing the baby in this world, they forget about all the pain and suffering they endured to get them here and are ready for the next baby. It really is a miracle and an amazing thing. Being pregnant and watching the stages of your baby and your body, is a reminder of our amazing creator.

Then after the baby is here, the nourishment and the love a mother gives you that is unconditional. What an amazing gift we were giving to bare children and be able to mother children. Also for those of us that cant have children, we still have the maternal instinct to mother those children in need.

Happy mothers day to the mothers, mothers to be, and earth mothers! May it be BLESSED!!!!!!!

Week 6 ultrasound.....heartbeats

2011-05-05T13:51:00.000-04:00

Here are the little twinkies at 6 weeks......

As you can tell, the sac is double the size. Unfortunatly they were not coroperating for the group shot so its really hard to see them but they are in there. We got to hear both hearbeats. Baby A (on the left) measured at 6 weeks and 1 day, exactly what I was that day. Baby B (on the right) measured at 6 weeks and 3 days and was nesteled right against my wall. Jason said that is a our "basketball player" lol. Just FYI, my husband is 6'3. Hopefully if we have a son, they will get his height. Both heartbeats were at 103.

It was great appointment. Everything is finally feeling real and of course every appointment I am getting more and more comfortable. We go back next Tuesday...cant wait!

Internet can be evil.....

2011-05-01T11:21:00.000-04:00

Ugh.....for those that have followed me for a while know that in 2009, we got pregnant with IVF and lost our baby at 11 weeks. Saw the heartbeat from week 6 and our last ultrasound with our RE, no heartbeat was found. We were devastated, we took a year off to grieve, mourn, and have our relationship recoup after 2 years of straight fertility treatments.

Now, 2011, I am 6 weeks pregnant and I cant get that appointment out of my head. Of course now that I know we have twins I have researched

to find out what the miscarriage rate is for twins or that one may not make it. I have drove myself crazy. I am done. No more evil Internet making me worry about something I dont need to.

Its in God's hand and he will take care of our babies. I pray they will be 2 healthy babies we will have in our arms in December and we will get to share them with the world. Our beautiful babies. I prayed this morning and asked God to give me the strength to rely on him and to stop worrying about things that are out of my control. To give me peace and just enjoy this pregnancy and not to over analyze everything. After that prayer I do feel more at peace.

I cant WAIT TILL TUESDAY to get to see our babies again. I will post the updated picture after the appointment.

TWINS!!!!

2011-04-28T08:54:00.001-04:00

Our two jelly beans snuggled in.....

U/S went awesome yesterday. Even though I am only like 5 weeks and 3 days, we were able to see the flickering of the heart on both the babies. They are both great size and Dr said they are beautiful. I was speachless at first because in my head I was thinking two cribs, strollers, car seats, etc.....now I am so excited. We have waited so long to have this moment again and to be blessed with two! Words can not describe!!!!

For those families and friends that read, we are not sharing quite yet.....please keep it quiet a little longer :)

Today is the day....

2011-04-27T09:10:00.000-04:00

Counting down the hours. Today at 5:00 PM so in 8 hours, I will hopefully find one or two perfect little heart beats on the ultrasound today. I am so nervous and having flash backs of that one day in the office when I was so excited about the last u/s with RE and everything just fell apart. All the dreams and hopes I had for that precious angel were gone.

Some people dont understand how we get so upset when we loose our babies at a few months but what they dont understand they moment we see two lines, we already have the babies future planned out. We already talk about our life and changes that need to be done and so forth.

I pray everyday that this is different, that we dont have to go through that grief and sorrow again. I feel like this one is different, I feel different and I know I just leave it in God's hand because he is in control.

Its kind of weird but I think I have two and have kinda had my mind wrapped around twins so if it is a singleton, I will be a little upset but I will be so happy.....

Alright, now only 7 hours and 45 minutes :)

ICLW

2011-04-21T13:17:00.000-04:00

My First ICLW!

Today starts International Comment Leaving Week (ICLW), and this will be my first time participating! I'm looking forward to visiting new blogs I've never been to before, I love to follow new journeys and meet new friends.

For those of you that are new to blogging and have infertility, you may think strangers following you on a blog may be scary, I can tell you from experiences, if it wasnt for the girls that follow me and their encouragement along the way, I know I would have given up a long time ago. Having someone that knows every emotion you are having and dealing with, just means so much.

If you're visiting my blog for the first time, welcome, and thanks for stopping by!

A little about my self, I am 27, will be 28 first of May. My husband will be 27 next week. I married my wonderful husband June of 2004, we are coming up on our 5 year wedding anniversary and 3 year feritlity battle. Of course really the whole 5 yers was a battle because I came off BC as soon as we got married but did not learn about my fertility issues until 2008. I have PCOS, hypothyroid, and endo.

We started fertilty treatments beginning of 2008 and have completed several clomid cycles, 6 IUI's, and 2 IVF. We only acchieved pregnancy with both IVF. The first in 2009, we received a postive and had our weekly u/s from week 6. At week 12, last U/s with RE, they were unable to find a heartbeat. We were devistated and took a year off. Went on a wonderful vacation.

This year we decided to try IVF again, first FET we received our positive. I am currently 5 weeks pregnant, so very early and of course very scared. I believe God has control of all things and when he is ready for me to have a wonderful miracle, it will happen. I just hope he agrees this is the time and we have a heatlhy 9 months.

We find out next week if we are expecting 2 or 1 because we did put back 2 5day blast. Please follow my blog, I love friends and please leave a comment during ICLW.

Thanks for visiting again, hope you enjoy.

Results are in......

2011-04-18T15:49:00.000-04:00

Did my blood work this morning and it was a BFP! Quote from the nurse "you are very pregnant". She stated that my levels were twice waht average and she is comfortable with not having to complete a 2nd blood test. I am scheduled next Tuesday, April 26, for our first ultrasound. We will find out then if we are having twins are just a one miracle baby. I am wanting to be so excited, I know I will be next week but now of course I am counting down till the ultrasound and just have the realization.

I did learn one thing, I have to live with my roots. I didnt know you couldnt highlight your hair if you were pregnant and I have highlight in my hair. They need to be done so bad and I actually had an apt this Thursday. I asked my Dr if it would be okay and he said "NO GO" Especially the first trimester. So, hopefully I can make it work.

The amazing process God created......

2011-04-15T08:30:00.000-04:00

So, day of transfer our two blast looked like this......

The babies settled in my uterus next to my extremely full bladder.....

AND THE RESULTS....(Top test is 4DP5DT to make sure HCG was out of system, it was negative) the middle two are AM and PM test on 5DP5DT and the last one was taken this morning 6DP5DT and before I could sit it down it was already having a second line.....)

5DP5DT.....and I am

2011-04-14T09:35:00.000-04:00

GOING CRAZY! I dont remember last IVF the wait being so bad. Today I thought I would be stupid and take a Dollar Store test thinking its a $1. What does it matter if I waisted it. I think there was a faint line BUT I may be making things up. You know we tend to do that. As for symptoms, I have been very fatigue and light headed, boobs are sore, cramps started yesterday, and my husband said I am being clumpsy but I am on vaginal progesterone which could cause several of those things. So, I am trying to just make it through the weekend. I know I will probably POAS everyday now because I think there was a faint line but I have read where 6DP5DT getting a faint positive. SO it may not be too soon.....

Monday Monday where are yoU!!!!!

you should be able to read my post now....

2011-04-11T18:08:00.001-04:00

Sorry, dont know what was going on. Hopefully everyone will be able to read my post now after Ready Set Go!

Good News keeps coming.....keep it coming.....

2011-04-11T14:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, sorry its been a bit since I have wrote. So.....egg retreival was done on Monday. Went under with about 13 follicles, they retreived 8. I have prayed for 6 so I was really happy with that number. I was in allot of pain and took the next day off work, it was allot worse then last time and I am sure it was because the difference in stimilation.

Tuesday: fertility report, out of the 8, 6 fertilized, lets plan on the 3 day transfer on Thursday.

Wednesday, still in allot of pain, went to work but it sucked.

Thursday: called to check and make sure we were still doing 3 day transfer, she stated that of the 6, 5 of them were 8 cells and looked great and they wanted to wait for day 5 to see how many blastocyst plus the percentage is better.

Friday: just ready to get Thursday over, I was finally not feeling so sore in my belly

Saturday day of transfer. I remembered my last transfer and being so painful due to my bladder about to bust. So, I decided to take it easy and not chug the water they ask you to chug. Well, 2 hours later and 5 cups of water later, my bladder was full. Once again, I was shaking and crying because I had to peepee so bad and just couldnt. Then of course my Dr and husbandy had a sence of humor and thought while she was pushing on my bladder with the ultrasound and he was opening my uterus, they would talk about water fountains and streams. NOT FUNNY! Anyways, two gorgous blasts were transfered. The report that day of the 5, only 3 were blast. The others werent far behind and they were gonig to give them a few more days to see because they would only freeze blast. I was kinda disappointed that we only had 1 but I was hoping it didnt matter. Took the day easy and Sunday for the most part.

Today: called the Dr to get report on embroyos, all three made it to blast and I now have three gorgeous frozen blast. I started crying, what a piece of mind. Little less pressure off right, lol, who am I kidding.

April 18th is the day for bloodwork. I am of course going to do my best from peeing on a stick but I just have such a good feeling and so does our Dr. I am trying to hold back because of the big posssible disappointment but I am suppose to be positive and that is what I am trying to be....positive.

Thanks everyone for keeping me in your prayers......now we just wait!!!!

Trigger day......

2011-04-02T23:11:00.000-04:00

I went today for u/s and today was the day for trigger. on Friday we went and they scared me because there was huge blob on my left ovary and the nurse thought it was a cyst which meant that we were going to cancel the cycle (of course I have already taken about $2500 in meds) she brings the Dr in and he finds that it is a follicle, thank goodness but it was like a 19 which means I needed to trigger that day. Remind you, Jason went to IL this weekend, if we triggered on Friday we would have had retrieval on Sunday which would have not worked. After looking closer, the big blob turned out to be three follicles on top of each other and they were not large enough to have to trigger that night. Went today, several 19, 18, 16, and some small ones. I couldnt really count as he was calling out the sizes but each ovary still has a promising at least 5. Like I told Jason, I dont even care about being in double digits which would be nice but 6 would be a good number. Thats 3 transfers. Hoping we want have to worry about that but I still would like to have that peace of mind.

So, tonight was the trigger. I am fine giving my self all of the shots (FSH, low dose HSG, and even the Ganirelix) because they use insulin needles which are easy to do in the belly and you dont really notice them. But, as most of you know the trigger shot is a whole different ball game. Goes in a muscle and a pretty large needle. Jason always gives that one to me as I hold Louie and try not to think about it. This time, I had to do it and i had no clue how i was going to do that. Well, after about 5 minutes of debating what to do, I managed to suck it up and get it in my hip. I pulled back and thought I saw blood, freaked and pulled out. Of course that meant I had to put the shot back in, gave what i thought all of the shot, pulled out and guess what med still in the syringe. So, had to actually give my self the same shot three times (Are you kidding me) lol.....we all could write books couldnt we.

I now wait till Monday at 6:30 AM scheduled for the retrieval. I will know that day how many was retrieved and then usually the next day a call advising how many were successfully fertilized. I am under the weather most of the retrieval day but if I get a moment I hope to leave yall an update of how many eggs I got, pray for 5 or more! :)

Fear Number 1

2011-03-30T18:34:00.000-04:00

Alright, first ultrasound since baseline. I was so nervous going in. I just knew I didnt have that many just like last time. First ovary, a 10 which is awesome and then about 6 or 7 more which were all decent size based on CD I am on. other ovary, about the same thing about 6 or 7. So at this moment we have about a dozen (maybe baker dozen) of eggs that are growing well. So, fear number one has been put to rest.....

Now fear number two comes up and its that when they do retreival I will have empty follicles like last time and end up with three......just praying this will not happen.

Praying my mommyhood days are coming soon......

Ready! Set! Go......!

2011-03-28T14:44:00.000-04:00

Baseline completed! Bloodwork completed! First day of shots have come and gone. So, now we begin. Everything looked good on our baseline check up last week and we started I took Femera on Sat along with my daily dose of HCG and Follistem. I remember all the medicine from last time but the dose is so much more. What put it in perspective, I received the follistem cartridge of 2 (900 IU) and 2 (600 IU) and I put it in the fridge next two the left over from last cycle which was a 300 IU cartridge, we only bought 2 cartridges that cycle and I didnt even use all of them. Now I am donig 300 IU a day plus 60IU of HCG a day. After three days of shot my belly is so black and blue. I have at least 10 more days of shots to go, where am I going to put them all. Positive note, its nice outside so I am wearing dresses and dont have to deal with the rubbing of pants or jeans. Plus, dont know if my jeans would button because of the swollen ovaries I have that make me feel 3 months pregnant. The things we will go through to get pregnant, almost forgetting about the 9 months of torture I am beggin for.

So, this IVF we have kept quiet. The last IVF we told our family every step of the way and called them the day we got the results. Of course, my momma couldnt get her excited mount quiet and told almost everyone in the town she lives in. We started getting congrats cards in the mail after I remember distingly telling mom, keep this quite until we are comfortable to tell everyone (3 months). So, we last the baby right at 3 months and when I went to IL to visit my mom, everyone was telling me congrats still. I felt so bad telling them we lost it plus I just really didnt want to talk about it right now. We love our families, we just wont to go through this together and we will include them soon enough. My mom is going to be so mad when she finds out but it is actually better for her emotionally becuase she would call me everyday, "how you feeling" "what you doing" "you been eatin right" ....blah blah blah. I know it comes from a loving plate but when you trying to be stress free it doesnt help.

We go on Wed for our first U/S, so nervous. I know we will have an idea at that point how many follicles we are working with. We are so nervous because I usually produce low and we only got 3 eggs last time to work with. I am nervous after everything we will be back in the same spot. So, everyone please keep us in your prayers!

change again.......

2011-03-14T09:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I will make this long story short. The "DR of multiples" with the high sucess rate (our new RE) just didnt feel right. We went before vacation to what was suppose to be our IVF consultation. We met with nurse to go over medication and how to give myself a shot (like I dont already know that after 3 years of feritlity treatments) and go over the calendar, we then met with Dr who completed a vaginal ultrasound and did a Saline (trial) transfer, and then we went to pay our co-pay of $50.00, well or we thought. They slapped a $500 bill on us and we still dont know for what. I thought, this must be part of the $8,500 for the IVF, sat down with the financial nurse who advised it was not and it would cost us around $13,000 for the IVF including the meds and they dont have a payment plan or financing. The $13,000 would be due at start date of March 15th. So, we go home and start checking our accounts to see where we wanted to pull this amount from because its 2 weeks away......

Then it hit me. I dont like these people, the staff is rude, the Dr doesnt ask you questions he just tells you and schedules. Then they are making us pay $500 and for what, never explained the cost. Is this who we trust with an entire savings account to do what is right for us, what is best for us!

I dont think so. The reason we didnt go with our RE from prior IVF was because we felt robbed. We loved them and they loved us. It is the type of office where the nurses dont have to look at your chart to know your name or what is going on. (Insert about other Dr, they have to take our picture and put on our file, weird) After discussion, we thought we should at least hear him out as to why he thought we only had 1 quality egg out of an entire IVF cycle....we made appointment and met with him the Friday we left for vacation. He made us understand everything....we did what is called a mini stim IVF. The goal is not to provide eggs and is less medicine which in return is less money. He stated if we chose to go on with him for a second one, he would do a traditional which the goal is to produce as many eggs in a healthy way. YEAHHHH!!!!!! And by the way, they have a payment plan if we wanted to utilize and cheaper.

SOOOO.....change again is the RE. We are back with Dr Lipari and we are so happy and comfortable about that. We got the calendar in the mail yesterday. We have our baseline ultrasound Tuesday and then start with the injections. He was not kidding about last IVF being less meds. Just to sum it up there are 11 catagories on the chart for meds and I have something in every colum. I am going to be one toxic woman.

Keep us in your prayers as we go through this, again! : )

Plan B (once again)

2011-02-04T18:30:00.000-05:00

Well, guess what. 2 clomid cycles with IUI later....still no positive. That is a total of 6 IUI's and not one has worked. Our insurance only covers 6 lifetime IUI cycles so if we did decide to do another one it would be out of pocket. We did switch RE's this year so only 2 of those cycles were with him and he does recommend 3 before moving on to IVF but I just think we are tired of going through the process with no positive outcome. So......dundundun.......we are moving on to IVF!!!!!

Ugghhhh...nerves, butterflies, negativity, optimistic, scared, and so many more feelings come about when talking about doing another IVF cycle. We are hoping with this new RE, he will not be as conservative and we will at least get embroyos that we can freeze. Last time we eneded up with 3 at egg retrieval, only 2 matured, and we transferred both. when we lost the baby, we were not able to do a frozen cycle. I will feel so much better if we have that option after the transfer. I hope we get a miracle like last time and get pregnant on the first try, our new Dr is known as the Dr of multiple but I would love to have more then one so I am not that nervous about that. We have a great support system that would help us along the way.

Well girls and my few guy followers, here we go. The new journey of the IVF cycle. We meet with the Dr on valentines day to discuss the cost and the procedure. We will know then more about when we are looking on starting the cycle. we do have a vacation plan early March, so we are thinking after that.

Has it come to this....

2010-11-02T11:38:00.000-04:00

One of my friends was in labor last night and I went early this morning to take items to the hospital they needed. I was there for a couple of hours and she was in so much pain. Only 7cm dialated and not moving plus the epidual didnt work. I couldnt help my self wishing I was the one in pain. Has it come to me wanting to be in pain and wanting to hurt the way she was hurting. You would think, this girl is sick! She needs help! I just think the absentee hurts worse then any labor pain.

Thinking about it, I dont know so much I wanted her pain as I wanted the good pain. That is wonderful pain, knowing you are going to meet for the first time your beautiful little boy or girl. A little pain is worth it. The pain I feel doesnt feel like it is ever going to end. No end in sight.

On a happy note, she ended up having a c-section and delivered a 6lb 2ounce baby boy. I just have to keep believing and have faith that this one day will be me. That my husband will be the one needing the Dr Pepper at 4:30 in the morning.

God, I know this is all a test. I believe I have passed with flying colors! Please give me my miracle!?!?!?

OV day 1

2010-10-25T17:28:00.000-04:00

So, I decided this cycle that I would try the Ov-Watch to see. I had read some reviews of PCOSers who used it and was pregnant within first few cycles. not many that advised false positive like pee sticks. so, yesterday was OV1. YEAH!!!! Its crazy. It tells you 4 days in advise of FD1-4 then you have OV 1 and 2. So, I dont know....quite a nice time period. So we BD only two of the days because of my crazy schedule right now but never the less. Hopefully, this is what we need. If not we did go ahead and make an apt with a new RE we are looking at using. Our apt is Nov 8th We have heard really awesome things about him so we will see.

I know I completed a check list prior but I think we are just ready to move forward. not everything is going to be perfect and honestly my job is just going to have to deal with it. its a part of life for allot of people to go through infertility.

Job Interview

2010-10-04T17:54:00.000-04:00

Well, had job interview on Friday which will help us decide how soon we can start back our fertility treatments. Due to the position I am in now, it is really hard to get personal time and sometimes we work 60 year weeks, like now, which makes it hard to plan a cycle because we know that never goes as planned. So, hopefully I will get this job and have a normal 40 hour week schedule and be a less stressful environement. This would allow us to start planning our cycle now instead of waiting till the beginning of the year when we are slow.

As for who to start it with, that is a different subject. Our last RE was awesome. We loved him and his staff. However, I felt as if he is very conservative and it cost to much money to be that way. We went into egg retrival with 7 follicles, only retreived 3 eggs and only 2 took. Which means we had none to freeze for a frozen cycle. I just feel like we didnt get all we could out of the cycle. I am so happy he got us pregnant the first time but I just want to explore my options.

There is another RE in town who has a very high sucess rate and is the same price as our prior RE. A friend of mine used him and loved him. She got pregnant the first transfer with twins. He is known as the Dr of multiples which could be a good and bad thing. Means he is aggressive but do I want to be too agressive.

When we get a day, we are going to make an apt with his office and see if he is someone we would be comfortable using. I am so ready though. I feel more eager and eager everyday but also nervous to start this process again.

So the check list begins:

1) get more flexiable job
2) get physcially ready
3) get emotionaly ready
4) get financially ready
5) pray, pray, pray......

Thin Line

2010-09-29T08:47:00.000-04:00

Babies babies babies!!!! They are every where! My cousin's, Jason's cousin's, best friends, friends of friends, class mates, and the list goes on and on. It seems like everytime I turn around someone is having a baby EXCEPT us. This of course brings emotions of all kind. I am truely happy for these people but am I?

I have never been one to be jealous, I have always been happy with what I had and if I really wanted something, I knew if I worked hard enough, I could acheive. Unfortunatly, some things are out of our control. I am infertile! What control do I really have?

Maybe that is where the pain comes from everytime I know someone close to me is pregnant. Why? I am happy for that person. Am I jelous? Do I envy them? The more baby announcements I get, the stronger this feeling gets. I want that to be our announcement. Will it be us one day? All the queastions that run through my head. Maybe its the knowledge that may never be us.

Then their is the guilt of not feeling happy for them. The guilt of being upset and crying when this is the most wonderful thing to happen to them. Who is this person? I dont want to be that person. So, I hide how I really feel and embrace their pregnancy. I do whatever I can for them.

"We all recognize the right of infertiles to bubble over with anger simply thinking about the unfit parents. The drug addicts, abusers and Lohans of this world who never should have been given children to begin with." I read this on another maternal envy's blog and it made me remember the other emotion. Anger.

You then start comparing yourself to these people and wonder why God chooses them instead of you. You know he has a plan for you and you believe he wont give you more then you can handle but why? You just dont understand why I child would be given to someone that doesnt deserve them and that child has to suffer.

Then, there is the uncomfortable part. When you are face to face with babies and moms or you are with that friend or family that just had their bundle of joy and you put on that brave face but deep down inside you are crying.

I am not at the point of not being able to attend family events or baby showers but I do know some of my friends are. I hope I will never reach that point but I know sometimes, I really just dont want to deal with the emotions that day could bring.

Then there is the name, the name that Jason and you have planned to name your baby boy or girl since the day you had hope. The risk of someone taking that from you before you could because it so much easier for everyone else then you. Uggg, it happened and it hurt. I think that was the biggest emotion of all. The emotion of falure. I had failed my husband, my mom, his mom, my sisters, and best friends. I have cheated them out of grandkids, nieces and nephews. Its all my fault.

So, am I jelous? Yes! Am I hurt? yes! Am I angry? yes! Can I fix it? yes!

I have known all along this was not in my control. There was only one person that could make this happen for Jason and I. We know that and we believe that. We also know there is the chance this may not be in his plan for us.

I have relized after many bundles of joys of all my friends and families, it wasn’t that I was upset because they were pregnant. It was just that I wanted to be pregnant with them.

It’s a thin green line between bitterness and envy, one that I’m not too anxious to cross. Because as much as it may seem simpler some days to push away anyone who could ever even possibly beat me to the baby making punch; who would that leave to celebrate with me the day I finally get my good news?

I dont want to be lonely because I was incapable of staying behind that thin green line. And I don’t want those I love to feel as though I’ve lost my ability to be happy for them.

So in the interim (between now and my own two pink lines), I will hold back my feelings. Which I feel I have done quite well as of now.

At least until my turn comes around.

GTL: Gym, Tan, Laundry

2010-09-24T18:40:00.000-04:00

Seriously, doesnt it make you mad. Why is it not WGTL...where is the W for work? They make $60,000 an episode and if you dont know who they is, its Jersey Shore. GTL stands for gym, tan, and laundry. I happen to watch the show before going to work this morning and while I am at work I started thinking about it. A guy that people know for his abs and ridiculous nickname, "the situation" gets 6 figures for his autobiography. This is what this world has come too. We are more interested in watching people that make up sayings for things that already have words and have crazy nicknames like J WOWWW and Snoookie then about politics and education. Then we all wonder why are kids dont know who the Vice President is or what the senate is. We also have kids starving and people needing help but someone is paying these kids millions of dollars for appearances. Does anyone else not see the problem?

Well, back to reality. Jason and I have started thinking about trying again. I think enough time has passed since loosing baby nugget and we are just ready to try again. Since working out I have had 2 periods on my own. Not regular but hey, its something. I use to have nothing. I go to my OBGYN next week to see if she will put me back on Clomid. I figure we will start small and go big again. Maybe with the weight loss, I may not need to go and have another IVF. Lord willing, maybe my body will treat me better then last time. I bought a ovulation watch because I heard with PCOS they are the best bet. We will see....everyone please keep Jason and I in your prayers. We are waiting on God to tell us what he wants to do and this just seems right for some reason.

and still counting....

2010-09-19T00:02:00.000-04:00

June 2010....

Now...

Well, the goal of being fit and young again is still happening. Jason has lost about 27 pounds and looks handsome as ever. I have lost 15 pounds and feel amazing. I am now in a size ten which when I started I was a size 14. That is a huge deal for me. I have not been taking progesterone and off metformine and I naturally started my period this month. What? Yes, I started all on my own. That just doesnt happen so I am excited and feel that my body fat decreasing is truly helping my hormones. I continue to pray.....

We recently went on the most amazing and needed vacation. Jason and I go on vacations every year but this was the first one with just me and him and honestly, it was amazing! I believe every couple needs to get away sometimes and step back and realize how much you mean to each other. We went on a cruise out of San Juan to Barbados, Antigua, St Lucia, and St Croix. I have photos on my facebook. I will try to copy the album for all to see.

After the vacation, one of my best friends was asking how the vacation was and stated that Jason and I deserved it. I asked her what she meant by that and she stated that it was crazy where we were a year ago and how much has changed in a year. I thought for a minute what she meant and then I realized just how strong our love has grown for each other through all our trial and tributes. Jason and I have gone through so much in our first 4 years of marriage. I know it has made us the strong couple we are today. I am so proud of my husband for the man he has become and I couldn't be more blessed. I love him and our live that we have created. I love that our family has stuck by us through everything and have helped us create the life we have. I know God had his reason taking our first from us and I know when he is ready he will bless us with a beautiful baby and until that day, I am just enjoying all he has given me.

Really, if you have thought you wish things were different...think about what you are asking. Look at those that have it different and are they really better off then you are? I really do feel for those that take marriage for granted and take the "easy road" when times get tough. Love your spouse unconditionally and realize that God made none of us perfect. Our imperfections make us who we are and love those imperfections in the person you love. I love my husband so much and I truly am blessed!

Beginning of the new "us"

2010-07-08T13:40:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone! Wow, havent been on here in forever. I guess after all the emotional pain of the rollercoaster of life it was hard for me to write. Plus I had started this lovely job of mine that keeps me busy all the time. Never any down time. Plus, my daddy purchased my Grandma's house and we don't like it sitting there with no one in it so I am now the property manager and I keep it up and rent it out. IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED, let me know. Its a vacation rental in the Golden Isles of GA (St Simons, Jekyll Island, and Brunswick) lol, just thought i would throw that in there.

As for what is going on in our life. Well, after the miscarriage we tried one more round of IUI as you all know. It didnt work. We then went a different route of prayer for a good 6 months. No medicine or anything. I then started feeling sick and tired all the time. Went to the Dr. and I had to be put back on Progestorone, Thyroid medicine, and B12 shots. I have been on them for about 4 months now and have made quite the difference. I also started back with accupuncture and did this for about 4 months strait. Due to the amount of money it was costing, unforuntately it was just not something that we could keep doing right now. The progesterone helped with monthly periods but still unknown if I am ovulating.

Jason and I felt that we just need a vacation. We have booked our self on a 7 day cruise of the eastern caribbean end of Aug. We are so excited. I also have read so much about how much PCOSisters that have lost 20 pounds it has helped with their ovulation. Jason and I both so out of shape compared to our athletic days. We decide as a couple to start personal training. WHAT!? Yeah, personal training 3 times a week. It has been harsh but I can already see results in Jason and I. Of course more in Jason because he is a guy and drops pounds like its water but oh well, I am still doing good.

So, instead of a blog of our fertility journey (which this is still a part of our journey to parenthood) this will discuss our weightloss.

So, here we go. This is week 3 and we will soon know what results we have had. Without numbers, I know that I can do about 20 more pushups then when we started and several more sit ups. So, I know its working just not sure where yet...lol......keep posted.

2009-12-09T18:20:00.001-05:00

I have started a shop, right now I only have Christmas ornaments but soon to have more stuff....please check it out

Southern Charm

Sorry its been so long....

2009-12-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone. I am so sorry it has been so long since my last post. Just been having so much going on I havent had time to write anything.

Loosing our baby was probably the hardest thing on both Jason and I and we have been coping. After the D&C, we decided to try a round of artificial insemination with the hopes of still being fertile and unfortunatly it did not take. That is when we decided it was time to take a break and breath before starting again. Going back to back for 1 1/2 years had worn on us emotionally and physically. It has been nice not to worry about Dr. apt or medicine.

Based on the outcome of the last IVF, we know IVF is going to be our way to go. The best thing about all the experience we have gone through is we KNOW we can get pregnant, we just might have to pay to get pregnant unless God has other plans for us, which we are open too.

We are doing great though, just been really busy with my new job and Jason completing his degree which by the way he made the Dean's list once again for the semester. I am so proud of him.

Well I better get back to work. I will try not to take months before I do another post. By the way, Happy late Thanksgiving to all!

1 yr anniversary

2009-09-08T20:19:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone...I know its been a while since I posted but we were just getting past the emotional part. It has gotten allot easier. This month marks the one year anniverary that we have been with our reproductive specialist. The things we have learned, been through, and experience have been quite the book I wont write but hopeuflly I will not have to write our 2 year anniversary post next year.

We did decided after speaking with our RE that we are going to try an IUI cycle since our insurance will pay for 3 more. It didnt work for us before but why not give it a shot? I will keep everyone posted. We go to our baseline this Friday, if everything looks good (if I have heeled completely) then we will start the medications and get the ball rolling. Please keep us in your prayers as we start the infertility journey once again.

Branson Pictures

2009-08-13T20:17:00.001-04:00

Our baby is in Good Hands

2009-08-13T19:26:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to check in and let yall know the D&C went well this morning. No complications. Feeling really crampy and tired but glad its over. They said I should be healed physically within a few days but emotionally time will tell. I love my Dr for that, its not all about the medicine. He has gone through the same exact situation and you could tell it was hurting him watching us go through it. They are going to send the embryo off for testing, hopefully it will give us some answers.

I guess I woke up out of anesthesia historically crying. Probably due to all the emotions that build up but I had a lovely and unexpected visit when I was under. I was with my Grandma, sitting with me holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be okay and she would take care of our little one and how proud she was of us for being so strong and keeping our trust in the Lord. I joked with her in my dream and said she was just getting lonely and wanted a Great Grand to play with, we laughed (seeing that wonderful big smile of my Grandma's one time just made everything seem better). I told Jason about my visit and the joke and he laughed saying that's probably true. Being with her even is a dream really help with closure knowing that our baby was in good hands.

Sad Day

2009-08-11T10:19:00.000-04:00

Yesterday went to what was suppose to be my graduation from my RE but ended up being a goodbye to this chapter in our life. Yesterday our Dr. was not able to find the heartbeat of our little one. The baby was still there but measured at around 9 weeks, which I would have been 9 weeks 6 days. For an hour he tried many different ways but it was just not there. So, sadly I write the passing of our first baby. Due to me still carrying I have to schedule a D&C. They are going to test the embryo to see if they can give us an answer as to "WHY". Just maybe, maybe, that will give us same closer. Jason and I both appreciate all your prayers and we know this is not mean we will not be able to have a family. Just means it will not start in March. We are still going to do what we need to do and we know that the Lord has a plan for us. We just have to trust him.

7 week checkup

2009-07-23T15:28:00.000-04:00

Today was our 7 week ultrasound with the RE and everything was perfect. The baby doubled in size to 1CM and the heartbeat was strong. We were so excited and realize to see our little miracle still growing. The baby has been good to me, everyone asked me at the Dr. how I was feeling expecting the worst but to be honest I have had a great 7 weeks. I don't really get nauseated and if I do its not severe and I have yet to have had to hug the toilet. So, I am very happy that I have had a great first trimester so far but I am glad that I have had an U/s every week because with the lack of pregnancy symptoms, I would be going crazy not knowing if everything was okay if I wasn't able to get that report every week. I go to my OBGYN on Tuesday and then my next U/S will not be till we get back from vacation on the 10th. Hopefully I will be able to make it :)

Sneak Peak

2009-07-21T09:58:00.000-04:00

Here is the first pic of our little baby! Its a amazing. This is a 6 week picture and its a little miracle. We did get to see the flutter of the heart beat. It was the most amazing thing ever. This is a miracle and again, thanks for everyone that was praying. We beat medical odds and we all know there is only one person that makes ANYTHING happen.

Missing her....

2009-07-08T08:25:00.000-04:00

Its been about 5 months since my Grandma passed. I have been doing pretty good lately but the day I found out I was pregnent, it has gotten hard again. It was so hard, I wanted to dial her number, I wanted to call her up and tell her that Amanda and Jason were finally going to be real parents (she didnt consider Louie making us paretns...lol) She use to say, "you better treat your kids BETTER then you do that dog" I loved her, she knew how to make any situation a great situation.

I wanted to share the hapiness and joy with her because she had been praying with us, for us, through it all. She was there for us, when we needed a break I went and spent a weekend with her and we would just sit around the house and talk and talk. I love her so much and still miss her greatly. After not being able to call her I know that my baby has an amazing gaurdian angel, one that will watch over them and love them. I knew that she had a hand in picking out our perfect miracle baby. It made me feel so much better thinking about her watching over but oh how I wish I could go through this experience with her. I never though I would have to do it without her, she was suppose to live to 100. My kids were suppose to know her.

Okay, I am starting to cry at work so I just needed to share.

Not so fun....but now I feel pregnant

2009-07-08T07:59:00.000-04:00

Well the last week I went from worrying that the test might be a false positive to I am so ready for my second trimester. This baby has made me tired, dizzy, and not hungry. I know I have to eat though so I make my self eat as much as possible but I have lost a couple of pounds. My Dr. said this is normal because I will be sensitive to certain foods, she told me to eat whatever I can and try small meals which it seems to help. I dont really get morning sickness, I get afternoon sickness, I left work early yesterday because I got clammy and dizzy and knew I needed to lay down. Migraines have been the worst. Tomorrwo I have an acupuncture appointment and I am going to see if she can help my daily headaches. I think they are the main reason I get so sick in the afternoon.

A week and a day we will do our first ultrasound and I am so counting the days. We have the first ultrasound picture, they printed a picture of the embryo in my uterus after they transfered it. Now I cant wait to add to it and make a pregancy book. Just cant wait. I hope baby is healthy and growing. Its hard not knowing right now. I worry and pray everyday. I bought a week by week book which has helped because my symptoms have matched up. It makes sense of stuff and is helping me allot. Also casting my fears to the Lord, that has been the biggest relief.

Its a MIRACLE!

2009-07-01T06:40:00.000-04:00

Okay, due to a few emails regarding the results I guess it wasnt fair to countdown to testing and then not tell the results. We did get the results back yesterday and they were positive. I AM FINALLY PREGNANT!

Now, I do ask for family and friends that read the blog to keep to your self for the time being. At least till our first appointment on July 16th. There are just so many things that can go wrong from now to then like being a chemical pregnancy and I just want to be 100% certain before we tell the world, although we really really want to. I knew I had to update the blog because everyone knew we had tested yesterday and were wanting the results.

We are both so excited. I think I am still in shock, its hard to believe right now. I didnt listen to anything the Dr. said yesterday after congradulations so I will be calling him back today. I think when you have so many negative after negative, when you get a positive its like you are in fear of the next thing to go wrong. I am trying to stay positive but its hard because I have all these thoughts running in my head. I do believe it was the power of prayer, a miracle. Thanks for everyone that kept us in your prayers and I ask you continue to do so as we get throug this first trimester.

My smart husband made the Dean's List

2009-06-30T11:44:00.000-04:00

I know allot of family members read this blog and just wanted to make you aware of just how great Jason is doing in College....this is an email he received after he made the Dean's list this year....

Dear Jason Coakley,

On behalf of the faculty and staff at Ashford University, congratulations on being named to the Dean's list for spring 2009. Your appointment to the Dean's List is published on the Ashford University website under the Academic Superstars link. (If you have submitted a request not to release or publish information about you, your name is not included.)

Your dedication and commitment to your studies make you a great role model for others to emulate. You and your family should feel quite proud of your accomplishment. All of us at Ashford University share in this pride as well and believe that students like you help make Ashford University the quality learning institution it is.

Again, congratulations for a job well done!

Sincerely,

Elizabeth Tice
Provost

Hope Gardina
Vice President, Academic Affairs

William C. Lowe
Dean, College of Arts and Sciences

Charles Minnick
Dean, College of Business and Professional Studies

Joen Rottler
Dean, College of Education

Tomorrow's the day......

2009-06-29T08:55:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is the day for the blood test to find out if we are pregnant or not. Hopefully this will be our miracle baby but if not we understand it is just not our time. We have talked and as far as infertility treatments go, we are going to take a break if this doesn't work. We don't right now have the funds for another IVF and we have 3 IUI"s left with insurance but we don't want to use them up when there are no new changes. I may go through with the laposcopic surgery before (pray for us) I start, hopefully, my new position in September. It would be a while with a 7 week training course that I could take some time off so I would like to do it before. That is hoping and wishing I get the new job.

We are planning a trip to Branson with my mom and dad in August. They are treating us and I am really excited. It will be good to get away for little bit from this and just breathe. We are excited just to be away from it all for a short while. Then when we are ready we will start the process again. I just feel mentally and physically we are spent.

All we can do now is leave it in God's hands...

2009-06-18T16:56:00.000-04:00

Sorry I am just now updating everyone. I haven't been able to sign on my account lately. Saturday I had an u/s that my Dr. felt I was borderline ready. Sent me home for one more night of shots and then the appointment on Sunday was when the decision was made that it was time. Only one more shot to go and that was our trigger shot (shot that makes me ovulate). Tuesday morning went in to have my eggs harvested, I was put to sleep so I wasnt feeling to great that day. Just allot of cramping from the procedure but nothing not tolerable.

The u/s on Sunday showed from 7 follicles which I was told not all would have eggs. I was thinking I would have around 5 but turned out they only harvested 3. I was extremely upset at the beginning because I really was hoping we would have some to freeze but we were not going to. Then there was the fear all day that none of them were going to fertilize leaving us with no embryos. It was a hard and long wait but we got a call on Wed telling us that 2 of the 3 fertilized. So, right now we have two embryo's wildly growing in a tube as my mom puts it and tomorrow, Friday, we go to have them transferred.

Everyone please keep us in your prayers that this is it. Financially and emotionally, if this is once again a negative, we will have to take a break.

Just a little update....

2009-06-08T16:52:00.000-04:00

Nothing new really. Just wanted to let everyone know where we are. I took my pills on Saturday that get everything started and tonight I start stimming with the shots. Not looking forward to that but it will all be worth it some day I hope. Wed is our first U/S to see what number of follicles we are working with. Hopefully that will bring us good news.

My mom and sister are staying with us right now. They came down with my dad, who is staying at my Grandma's house trying to get things sorted. So, mom and Alison have been with us going to the pool everyday....lol. No suprise there. Alisha, my middle sister, flies in tomorrow morning with her boyfriend and they will be staying with us also. Its a good thing Jason and I decided on the three bedroom instead of the two. It would be a tight squeeze....

Only downfall of my mother being here is she likes to eat out. I am suppose to be on a "no carb" and its been hard eating out. I try to get saleds and diet drinks but in doing so I have the biggest headache. I just have to suck it up though, like I said earlier, it will all be worth it one day :)

Day 1- IVF

2009-05-26T18:54:00.000-04:00

Well, today was the beginning of one of the most important things of our lives. Today Jason and I went in for our baseline ultrasound to make sure everything is okay to start the stimulation with medication. We were given the go and I will start taking my medicine next week with our first u/s of the follicles on the 1oth. I am not looking forward to it because they warned me I will be extremely bloated due to the amount of follicles they are wanting me to produce but hey, the more we get the more we will have to freeze in case this cycle doesnt take so I will deal with a little bit of bloating to get me there.

I love my RE. We couldnt ask for a better one. Our previous cycles have all been pretty much controlled by the RN's but I am guessing the amount of money we are paying this cycle we get to have Mr. Lipari himself. He has done everything for us, he even did our simple baseline u/s today. That makes me happy, I feel like we are in GREAT hands. He seems just as excited about the cycle and for us as we are.

I am going to continue the accupuncture. After researching on how much of a percentage it increases our chances I feel like it is best for us. It is a little expensive but I believe it will be worth it. I went for my first appointment last Friday and that afternoon I was spotting even on birth control. That is awesome because that is impossible for my body so I know it helps. I am going to go every Friday up to the day of transfer and then we are going to do the day of transfer (which our back to back treatments, before and after the transfer) That along is suppose to increase are chances by like 10%.

Well, I will keep everyone posted as we go on this journey. This is all new to us and is allot more involved then our last cycles, that is for sure. I am more scared this time around then the last and I think its because of the amount of money that has come from our pockets. I am hopefully thouhg, please keep us in your prayers.

Photo Albums

2009-05-21T15:02:00.000-04:00

Okay, if I did this right you should be able to click on the picture and go to the photo album. The first album is a mixture of Spring and Jason/My Bday....

The second album is photos from Nick and Jen's wedding we went to in Illinois....

Trial transfer/ Illinions Trip

2009-05-19T19:03:00.000-04:00

Well, I will start with the trip to Illinois. It was relaxing to get away for a little bit and hang out with the family. There is something always so awesome about being around family having their support. We had a great time with mine and Jason's family but we were so ready to get home too. Its mixed emotions but we were talking on the way home and we can honestly say now that Jacksonville is home to us. We were so ready to see our Louie and sleep in our own bed but we love seeing our family too. If only we could move Jacksonville a little closer......it rained pretty much the whole time were in Illinois. We hit bad weather going up and then flying home we ran into bad weather which left the ride from ATL to JAx a little bumpy. I don't like those kind of plane rides. We made it home safely though thanks to God's good graces but too more rain which has not stopped since we have stepped foot off the plain. I guess we have a Nor'easter around the Bahamas which is causing us to have nasty rains and winds. I will post some pics of the family (my side) when I get a chance from the Wedding. I unfortunately didn't get any taking with Jason's fam, we will make a point to do that when we are back up in September.

Now to fertility, we get home and the anticipated calender is in the mail. I was mad though because we had a RN consultation on that Saturday, which obviously we missed because we were out of town. They also had me scheduled for today for a Saline Ultrasound (where they fill my uterine cavity with Saline water to make sure there are no fibroid or anything that would cause problems with the cycle) and they also did a trial embryo transfer to make sure they have the correct catheter for when the time comes. Let me tell you, your bladder has to be EXTREMELY full for them to do the transfer and it was the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done. ***TMI...I just new I was going to pee on him. Luckily, I didn't but he told me I would not be the first which was comforting to know. Good news, everything went great. He saw no concerns and says my uterine cavity is in great shape which was good to here. We then had our RN consultation where she want over ALL the medicine and shots I will be having to take and I mean ALL. It is crazy the amount of medicine I will be taking this cycle, it is $1200 worth and that is with insurance so that can give you an idea. I will be doing allot more shots then I did last time which I am not looking forward. She also explained the egg retrieval will be done with me put out which I would rather be sleeping, I just don't want the IV. Anyways, more to come, we have our first U/S on Tuesday. I will update everyone then...

Quick note for those that knew my sister was having surgery on Monday. She came out fine, she is extremely sore from the staples, she spent last night in the hospital. They took her catheter out this morning and if she can get up and walk and go to the potty, they said she can go home which she is excited about. They were able to save the ovary but the Dr. said that due to them cutting it a little bit, she cant guarantee that it will not turn to tissue and not work but she said the good news if she still has one perfectly good one and both her tubes so she didn't seem worried for Alison (which after everything I have gone through I PRAY she will never experience this)

A decision has been made....

2009-05-11T07:51:00.001-04:00

Sorry its been a while since I last updated. Mainly because Jason and I had a decision to make and it was extremely hard to decide. The last post I made was regarding the surgery we discussed at our reevaluation. After further reviews of the chart, my RE said he believed that surgery would not help (it would be for my benefit, exploratory) but IVF will be our best option. I am not going to go on and on about all the benefits and downfalls but I will say that it is a MUCH higher percentage to do IVF (in-vitro fertilization). For those that don't know, it is a very expensive process that insurance doesn't pay a dime on. It can cost between $12k-$15k. Luckily for us we have an awesome RE and we were able to get a great price on it. So, just wanted to update everyone and let you know we have switched roles and will no longer be doing the same cycles we have been doing. The next month or so you will start to hear about our IVF cycle. Hopefully this will be it!!!! After some research on how to increase your chance with IVF, we learned of an acupuncture technique so in addition I will be undergoing acupuncture. Not sure about this because I have never done it but once we get back from IL we are meeting with her to discuss the options. The same day treatment (they do it before placing the embryo back) and then afterwards, that treatment along has proven to increase chances by around 14%. We shoulde be receiving our calender in the mail very soon. Hopefully we will get a orientation like we did with the IUI to explain the process because I am not sure what all it invovles.

Please continue to pray for Jason and I. For our emotion and physical well being as well, for those that have never gone through this process it is a roller coaster of emotions. One day you may be up (all the test are great) and then next day something went wrong. Just please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Love yall and for those readers in IL we will see you very very soon!

Louie ready for car ride....

2009-04-30T10:05:00.000-04:00

I had to post this picture. My mom and dad got a new van and they have built in car seats. I joked with my mom and said "for what grandkids?" my dad reply "Louie" So, while they were here my sister put him in the car seat. It was the cutest thing. He just rode like he was suppose to be there. Just had to share....who needs a child when you have the cutest and sweetest furbaby ever!

2009-04-30T09:10:00.000-04:00

For Jason's birthday weekend, we went to St. Augustine, FL (one of our favorite places to visit) with Brad and Holly. It was so much fun. We did a midnight Ghost Tour of the Island in a hearse. I will post the rest of the picture as soon as I get it uploaded. This is us that night waiting on the hearse...just thought Id share...

So irritated and upset....

2009-04-28T20:06:00.000-04:00

I just dont understand. People suprise me everyday. Why do people do what they do? Why do they hurt people they love but are too blind to see it or do they know what they are doing? Just makes you realize maybe you really dont know some people. I just hate its hurting someone I love so much, it makes me hurt.

I need surgery....

2009-04-27T08:29:00.000-04:00

Alright, sorry I haven't posted with the results of this cycle but I wanted to wait until we had our follow up with our RE last Thursday. The result was negative, again. Even with all the eggs. We just thought this was it and was devastated to find out, God once again has a different plan. Due to having 3 failed cycle, my RE wanted to meet and reevaluated what we were doing. He provided us with three options:

1) Continue to a new medicated cycle called mega-stem. We just got done with a mini-stem, the difference would be we would max out the dosage for the fertility medicine. He said that if I was overstimulated like I was this time, I could then transfer to a IVF cycle which is only about $4000 versus the $9000-$12000 of a regular IVF.

2) He believes that the reason for the failed cycle is an underlying issue. Based on my ultrasounds and the scar tissue he sees with NO past surgeries, he believes that I have endometriosis. So, he wants to do surgery and remove everything plus get a closer look of my ovaries and uteries. This was about a week recovery, it is laposcopic so he would go through my belly button and make 3 small incisions in my lower belly.

3) Next cycle we would just do an IVF, this is really not an option for us. Main reason we are not ready to give up, which is what I feel we would be doing by doing an IVF. The other reason is the cost. Our insurance will pay for 3 more medicated/IUI cycles and we would like to exhaust those first. Don't get me wrong, we still our paying allot out of pockets for copays and the medicine that the insurance doesn't pay for but we just aren't ready.

So, we have concluded that it would be best do go on with the surgery instead of waiting on another failed cycle and having only 2 more paid cycles afterwards. This way, we will have 3 more after the surgery. They are suppose to call today to schedule it and I will have to make arrangements with work. They would like to do it as soon as possible that way when I heal they can go directly into a new cycle due to the increased fertility rate. We are extremely lucky though because my RE, who I absolutely love, is one of the ONLY Dr. that can cut out the endometrosis versus the traditional burning. When you burn it off, it has the potential of returning versus the method he chooses. So, really excited about that.

Update from Friday....

2009-04-05T16:44:00.000-04:00

So, Friday turned out to be a pretty good appointment. Found out that I went from 4 to 3 follicles which is good but they were only at like 15 cm which they want them around 18 cm. They wanted to avoid the risk of all the little ones I still had of growing so decided just to give my body two days to hopefully grow them on their own. So, Friday and Saturday we coasted and just hope they did what they were suppose to. Did my trigger shot last night and had our first IUI this morning. We are doing another IUI in the morning. April 20th will be the magically day to let us know if we have to go through all of this again. We hope this was it...

This will be the first Easter (EVER) without my Grandma. I have spent every Easter of my life at my Grandma's house eating her good cooking. This is hard, the day is slowly getting closer and every day is getting harder. I thought they said time heels all wombs....I just dont know if that is true. The little things just make start crying. We were in the Dr. office the other day and I was reading an article about family get togethers and I just started tearing up. Or how about the bad thunderstorms we had last week and we were watching the news and saw the huge lines of storms going through Brunswick. I said, without thinking, I better call Grandma and make sure she is okay. Then it hit me and I teared up. The tears just keeping coming and now that we are getting closer to Easter it is starting to become more real again. Luckily I dont have to be by myself. We are still going to head up to Grandma's house where my mom, dad, Ali, Aunt Rhonda and Uncle Jim will be. We plan on going to First Free Will Baptist like usual. Two things will be missing, my Grandma and her amazing Easter lunch. I remember how hard it was wtih Grandpa going through the first Holidays without but at least we still had Grandma. Now it is SO different. Grandma just know, I will always love you and hope you will always be proud of me!

Good news today....still to come

2009-04-01T17:45:00.000-04:00

Just a quick update on the appointment today. So, GOOD news. They didn’t cancel my cycle today. Looks like I only had 4. One on my right, 12 cm, and three on my left, 10, 9, and 8. All the other ones stayed small and they aren't concerned about them. They want the ones I have to get larger so they are giving me an extra 50 tonight of the follitism. Then I go back on Friday to see how everything is. If I still just have the 4 and they are a little larger, then we will do our trigger that night and our IUI's on Sat and Sun. Keeping fingers crossed…we aren't in the clear yet. If any of the little ones grow too, then they will cancel our cycle. Errgg….I would like to be in my 2WW. I think that would be better then this.

Be back on Friday....hopefully with GREAT news!

WE JUST CANT WIN.....

2009-03-30T18:55:00.000-04:00

Not a good appointment today. Last Thursday we had an appointment and had 12 follicles which is awesome for me considering I barely had one last time. We were all excited going to the ultrasound this morning because we thought this was it. We were on a new cycle, had tons of potential eggies, and were doinginjections. Due to the number of follicles I produces on Follitism alone this time, she didn't want me to start the injections until Sunday. Hoping that some would not continue to grow (by the way, I gave my self the shot last night....it took me 30 minutes to get the nerve up but I did it). Today we found out that all of them grew. Which I noticed I felt bloated and just uncomfortable and come to find out my ovaries are covered. Well, we were given two options to think about.

1) cancel the cycle. Way to many follicles to take the risk of going forward and getting 12 fertilized and then having to make the decision of selection rejection (aborting some of the eggs) which I cant imagine we would want to do that.

2) Turn this cycle into an IVF (In-vitro: take the eggs out, fertilize, and then implant) which is cheaper then the regular IVF cycle. When she said that I was thinking, hmmm...regular IVF is $10,000 so what is cheaper...ohh just $4000 at the day of the appointment. Now, please tell me where a 25 and 24 year old can come up with that in a few days. Just not going to happen.

So, really are only option is too cancel the cycle and just start a new one next month. Good thing about this is it want waist our insurance cycle...they allow us 6....we have only done 2, this would be 3. So we will still have 4 cycles left which is promising. I just am not ready to make that commitment...IVF is last case scenario and we will have to have some time to consider if we want to go through that process. So, as of right now. This is were we stand. We will let you know how Wed goes....we might get lucky and have only a few reach mature size....but I guess only time will tell.

Humpday....

2009-03-25T09:33:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note, sitting at work. Haven't heard anything on the job yet. It would be so awesome to know something soon. We have decided to go to IL in May, May 12-17th to be exact. My friend Jennifer is getting married that weekend so not only do we get to spend time with our family we also get to go to her special event. I hope to buy the plane tickets today. If anyone is wanting to go somewhere, Airtran has one way tickets like $50 each way. Even though the plane ride back went up for us its still a ticket for under $200. Not too bad considering....

Oh and speaking of Weddings. I am so excited and ready for September. Just found out my best friend Lindsay and her new husband, when she gets here, will be making us a stop on their road trip honeymoon. How exciting?!!!! Cant wait....

And for those wondering about fertility treatments, I took the 10 Femera pills on Monday. We go tomorrow for an ultrasound to see if they have started any follicle growth. I believe this appointment they decide when I start my injections which speaking of injections I am a little nervous. I had a meeting with the RN on Monday and she explained all the risk. I was thinking she was just going to go over the multiple pregnancy risk but no she had to talk about the risk of the medicine all together. She said, no exercise light walking only. I guess my ovaries will way more then normal and by doing any jumping, running, etc....I could twist my ovaries which is emergency surgery. Then she explained the possibility of too much fluid in my abdomen which would make me have to also have an emergency IV to drain the fluid and the then the other one was hyperstimilating my ovaries which would mean the cycle would be cancelled and hope none of the cyst pop. So, when I left her office I was scared out of my mind. After doing a little research I believe she was just telling me worst case scenario and what to look for but she didn't phrase it that way and had me all worked up..lol.

Well, hope everyone is having a great humpday.

Ultrasound...

2009-03-18T09:30:00.000-04:00

So, just wanted to do a quick fertility update. We had our baseline ultrasound on Monday and we were given the green light. Everything was quite and looked good from the last cycle. So, we start our new new cycle with the injections. This will be our first with the injections so I am a little nervous. We go next Monday for the nurses to explain what to expect and how to use them. I will be taking my Femera (fertility medicine that I have been taking all alone) this Saturday I believe and based on our ultrasound next Thursday, it will determine when we start the injections. If all goes well we will be testing around Easter weekend.

Nothing new really has been going on. I have allot on my plate at work with different activities I am in and interviewing for a new job tomorrow. It is an Enterprise Services Training Specialist, its the same job I did an internship last year with. It would be really great if I got that because I could get off these 12 hour Sundays. As we all know though, it will happen if its suppose to.

Well, I better get back to preparing...I am facilitating a workshop for Jason's focus group today. For all of you that didn't know, my husband is a constant go getter at work. He was chosen for a Leadership Focus group within his department to help him grow as a leader. Little did he know, I knew when his first workshop was because I was facilitating it. Too funny...we cant even get away from each other at work. :)

Hope everyone has a good rest of the week....will update as soon as I know more.

Beach Day

2009-03-08T07:35:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone...just sitting at work on a early Sunday morning and thinking about what a lovely day our family had yesterday. Jason for some reason woke up really early and went and played basketball.....Louie and I decided to go on a walk and realized it was "beach day" weather. Jason and I packed up the car with Louie's toys and all our beach stuff and we headed to the wonderful Vilono beach, we go a little further down A1A so Louie can have room to play and did he play. It was our first beach day of the year and he just played and played. It was so fun to watch, especially when he barks and chases the waves. I will have to get that on video next time. I posted a cell picture below from the beach...just wanted to share. We both got a little sun burn but it felt so good to be out in the sun again. We then finished the night off at night church and some dinner. What a great day!!! With everything that has been going on, we haven't really been able to spend time together, it was nice to have family time again.

Hope everyone has a great week.

Where did February go?

2009-02-26T07:22:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone. I lost someone that was very important to me on Feb 12th. She had a very short battle with breast cancer. As you all know my Grandma was diagnosed around Christmas time. Jason and I have been going every weekend to see her but there was something about the last time we went. The way she hugged us and told us she loved us when we left. When we got in the car, I told Jason, I have a feeling that will be the last time we will see her. Sure enough, sitting at work on Tuesday, I got a call that morning from my mom. She had taken a turn for the worst, she said her goodbyes that morning, gave my aunt her wedding ring, and told her not to worry if everyone didn't make. My mom and dad jumped on the first plane out of Bloomington and I picked them up at the airport and made it to Brunswick around 5:00 PM that day. My dad had not seen Grandma in about a month, last time he saw her she was up sitting in her chair, weak but the same Grandma we had always known...so much had changed in that short amount of time.

Grandma had the comfort of being in her own home but one thing she was not happy about it was being in a hospital bed instead of her own. She looked for any excuse as to why her bed would be better, which we cant blame her. Due to the fluid that was building up in her lungs though, the hospital bed was the only option. My dad, mom, and I got to spend a lovely evening with Grandma Tuesday night letting her know how much we love her and how much she means to us. Wed, she slept most of the day....all my Aunts were home by this time and my Great Uncle and Aunt not wanting to leave her side but she had other plans. She let us know that we were crowding her and she only wanted us in there one at a time, "got to love a woman that knows what she wants, even in a time like this" Shifts started to take place, first every 3 hours, then every 1, and by Thursday afternoon about every 15 minutes. Thursday morning my mom and I were going to eat with my cousin and something told me to tell Grandma I loved her. I kissed her on the forehead and said I love you, she opened her eyes and said "I love you too, hunny". That was one of the last things she said that day. She left us around 11:30 PM that night, right when we were all getting ready for night shift. She went peacefully with my Aunt Rhonda in the room and my Aunt Rose sleeping beside her in the bed.

The next couple of days were very very hard but we had the support of our big family and spoke of all the great memories we had. Once again we piled up in a house like true Henderson's and had a blast. We had to remember, this was Grandma's HOME GOING and it was a happy day. Valentine's day we had her visitation and it couldn't have been more prepared. My Grandma had picked her a beautiful red dress to wear and she wanted a quilt that my Nanny (her mother) had made draped on the casket, she decided this in early Jan. The quilt had red hearts all over it...she knew she would be going to see Grandpa on Valentine's Day. Per her request, we all wore Red and Pinks for the Home Going events. It was so hard to say Goodbye to her that last time. I didn't want to say Goodbye but I had too. I think I am still numb from everything, its so hard to know that she is gone from my life. She was such an amazing woman, I think the pastor said it best when he said there was no one else like Betty. She has touched everyone she had met in some great way and that is who she was. Even towards her last days she was worried about everyone else. Jason and I both wrote her letters to let her know how much she means to us....I also wrote the poem below:

My Grandma Henderson

My grandma is warm hugs and sweet memories.
She remembers all of my accomplishments and forgets all of my mistakes.

She is someone I can tell my secrets and worries to,

and she hopes and prays that all my dreams come true.

She always loves me, no matter what.
She can see past temper tantrums and bad moods,

and makes it clear that they don't affect how precious I am to her but will set me straight.

She says encouraging words and has a tender touch.
She is full of proud smiles and shows how living for the King of Lords can bring you happiness.

She is the one person in the world who loves me with all her heart, who remembers the child I was and cherishes the person I’ve become.

Grandma, I love you very much and want to say,

Thank You for being you!!!

Amanda Coakley “09

My Grandma was not only a Grandma, she was a best friend, neighbor, and my 1st Grade teacher. I wrote the poem to let her know, I did learn something in first grade....she got a kick out of that :)

Anyways, Feb is almost gone and I don't know where it went to. I am ready for March though to have a fresh start plus its time to start laying out at the beach and the pool. That always makes a girl feel good. The day after the funeral, I came down with Bronchitis and still battling. I have three days to get back to feeling like my old self so I can start March off right.

Fertility cycle did not go well this month, I didn't ovulate at all. They want to go more aggressive this cycle with more injections which I think is a good idea. I ha vent been responding very well on the medicine we have been trying. The more they up the medication though, the higher risk for multiples as they state but I know we will only get what the Lord thinks we can handle. We are taking a month off though to distress my body, if possible. We will start everything back up around mid March.

Thanks everyone for the cards and thoughts. It is always nice to have in a time of loss. Thanks again!

Just some recent information...

2009-02-09T18:15:00.001-05:00

Sorry havent posted in a week or so. Its has been busy. My middle sister flew in on Wed to see my Grandma since she hasnt since Christmas. The last weekend Jason and I was there, Grandma was sleeping more but she was still going from her bed to her chair and even to the dinner table to eat. Since I didnt get off til 8:30 PM that night and Alisha had a long day of flying, we had chosen not to go up until Thursday morning. As we were sitting around playing rock band we got a scary call. My mom upset stating that Grandma was having a hard time breathing and she wanted us to go now. Luckily Jason and I have been living out of our suitcases, we grabbed what ever we had and packed the car and left within 10 minutes of the phone call. The whole way there I was crying because I just knew it would be my fault that my sister didnt get to say goodbye to Grandma. When we got there she was sound to sleep and come to find out she just had an anxiety attack which made it hard for her to breath. They got her calm down and she slept well.

The next morning, I noticed all the changes since the last time I was there which was less then 4 days ago. She now was short of breath just getting on a potty chair beside her bed, her appetite was little if any, and she was in a hospital bed. She had went from a Grandma that was up and moving to Grandma that would get out of breath just speaking with you and couldnt get out of bed. She is only awake in interverls but everytime she opened her eyes, we didnt want to miss anything and would have a "party" in her room. It was great to be able to spend time with my Aunts and my cousins who came down later that week. Alisha and I had a great time just holding her hand and feeding her ice chips when needed. I will say, it is a blessing to be able to know someone is going to be leaving you and being able to spend as much time with them as possible but I wouldnt wish this on anyone. Wathcing someone you love so much, slowly progress to what she calls her Graduation. We know we cant heal her but my only prayer is that she is not in any pain. She doesnt seem to be other then the dry mouth and not being able to breath very well. My mom and dad are coming in on Wed and I believe that is what my Grandma is holding on for. To say Goodbye to my dad.

Please continue to keep my Grandma in your prayers that she stays pain free and our family in your prayers as we all will have to deal with a hard loss.

As for the fertility, I did two IUI's on the 2nd and 3rd. We are scheduled for a blood test on the 18th to know if we will be blessed this month or not. They said that since I am not responding very well to the current fertility medicine, they may change our combination next month if this month is not a sucess. I really would like to tell my Grandma before she goes but I know that its not my time, its his time!

Photos at Grandma...

2009-01-28T07:09:00.000-05:00

Below are just some photos I took with my camera over the weekend. The boys had to get roots out of the sewage pipes, took some priceless pictures of them. I love the photo of Jason and my cousin posing, I used one of my cameras awesome features where it just pulls out certain colors. I just really love the effect it gives it. The rest of the pictures are just shots of my Grandma's yard and porch and then of course included our sweet Furbaby! Enjoy!!!

My husband and Johnathon working hard for my Grandma.

Grandma's porch...one of the most peaceful places on earth.

View from her porch...

Her backyard

Our Louie....isnt he the cutest dog you have EVER seen!

Poor boy, he wanted to go out and play but it was too cold!

Comments....

2009-01-27T10:41:00.001-05:00

I have had several emails from our friends and familes about not being able leave a comment on the blogs. I think I figured it out. When it ask for you to select profile, it is actually asking about you. If you don't have any of those options, I have okayed for comments to come from anonymous. So just choose anonymous. If you cant figure it out, feel free to keep emailing us...we love it either way :)

I have some pictures from the weekend that as soon as I download I will post. My lovely husband bought me a camera for Vday, I know a little early but my other camera was done. I had bought it when they first come out with digital...its a 3.2 mp to tell you how old...lol. We got a great deal on a Canon 880. It is so awesome and has so many features I don't know what to do with it. I LOVE IT!!!! I still want the Canan Rebel XT but hopefully sometime this year I will be able to find a good deal on one on EBay or Craigslist. I don't think I will be able to buy one brand new anytime soon.....

Just wanted to say hi and inform all how to post a comment. I will post those pictures as soon as I can.

Cute pics of our baby....

2009-01-21T19:10:00.000-05:00

While Jason and I were visiting my Grandma this weekend my aunt took some photos of Louie. As we were packing him up to go Grandma saw his booties. I got him dressed up for the winter and she got the biggest kick out of it. I had to post some of the pictures....hope you enjoy :)

The Love Dare

2009-01-20T09:11:00.000-05:00

For those of you that Jason has not told yet, he was saved on Jan 5th. This was such a blessing. We have found a great church and it really has helped up start our new journey in our marriage. The Love Dare is from the movie "FireProof", it comes out on video 1/27 I believe. I heard about it when it was out in the theaters but we have yet to see it. When I was at the Family Christian book store looking for a daily devotional for Jason and I...the lady in the store told me about the "Love Dare". It is a 40 day devotional experience to learn more about how to love your spouse based on the scriptures. Each day comes with a dare to help understand the scriptures and the meaning behind them.

Day 1: Patience

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
—Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Something Jason and I have very little of is patience. The first part of this dare is pretty simple. It talks about how our words often reflect the condition of our heart. It is better to walk away then to say what you are thinking at the time because it could be hurtful when in anger. So far, which we haven't gotten home from work yet, but we have done very well. There has been a little reminder here and there for the both of us but I feel we have done very well with this challenge today. Now, applying this as we go on with the other dares will probably be the most challenging. I might have to respond back to "patience" at one point of the 40 days.

Well, work is starting so I guess I better get to it. Since I am not sure what the Love Dare will hold for Jason and I...please keep us in your prayers as we start this new journey. Also that when it is the Lord's plan...to bless us with that baby we are working towards. :)

Dr. update....

2009-01-15T16:46:00.000-05:00

We did the Dr. appointments today. Jason had gotten an eye infection from all of the kiddies over Christmas break and didn't know until we went to our annual eye exam last week. He was given perscription eye drops that hopefuly would clear it up and today he found out it hasn't. It has substained, so not getting worse but still there. So, he has to wait another week. He is irritated though because he is not able to wear his contacts, he has to wear only his glasses. He goes back next Wed...

I went to the Dr. this morning to make sure everything was a go to start a fresh new cycle and they gave us the OK!!!! Yeah....so I start on the shots and medicine and about a month later, we are hoping for a miracle. Please keep us in your prayers...

Oh and it is COLD down here. We are suppose to be in like the high 30's tomorrow....people are scared. Florida actually declared a State of Emergency because the temp will be so low. I found that funny...just had to share.

Also, yall are welcome to add the blog you can comment too if you want or email us. We would love to hear from yall.

Love yall!

Just a quick update...

2009-01-14T19:53:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone. Sorry to those of you up in Illinois. I saw the weather ya'll were getting. Ewww...don't miss it. We have been cold though if it makes you feel better, we were in the 60's today and possibly in the 50s tomorrow. Suppose to be like that for the rest of the week. Burr....

Well we are back to GA this weekend. My dad flys into Jacksonville Friday night and we are going to pick him up and take him to Brunswick. He will be here for a week and my mom and sister, Alison, will be coming down on Wed thru Sun of next week. It will be good to see my dad and also to see Grandma again. I just have to say that my Grandma looks so good to be full of cancer. She is tired but she tries to keep the party going. The Dr. told her he thought she had around 2 months but as we all know with Cancer we can never know, hopefully she will prove them wrong and stick around as long as she wants. Grandma of course has planned for this day with the Lord for most of her life and she is at peace and ready when he is. It does make it a little easier knowing where she is going. Jason and I talked about it and we are going to try to make it up to Brunswick every weekend to spend as much time with her as we can.

As for our treatments, we do have a checkup tomorrow and if all is good I start back on my fertility medications. I will have to update yall on that later on this week.

Update on Grandma....

2009-01-09T18:35:00.000-05:00

Unfortunately we received the worst news this morning. Grandma went to the Dr. this morning to get her test results and turns out that the cancer is all over. There is nothing they can do at this point but provide her with comfort. Hospice is suppose to be coming over today to start her on morphine to help with her pain level. The last few days have been a battle between keeping her pain level down with pain medicine which makes her sick on her stomach or having her blood pressure through the roof because of the pain. PLEASE continue to keep our family in your prayers....

Grandma is a very special and wonderful person. There are not many people that are put on this earth that have a way to make you feel so at peace with anything you are battling in your life at that point. It will be the hardest thing I have ever done to let her go but I know when she does, I will see her again and my Grandpa. Two of the most influential people in my life.

Jason and I are heading to Brunswick tonight when he gets off and we will be spending the weekend.

Last Jan around this time I was in the hospital beside Kylie's bed praying for her, luckily prayers were answered getting to keep her around longer but he had other plans for her legs. Now, this Jan, I have to be strong again for Grandma. Last year and this year puts in perspective just how easy and how quickly someone you love can be taken away.

Make sure you tell your love ones or show them everyday just how much you love them because you never know if that will be the last. Cherish EVERY MOMENT is what I have learned from both New Years. Jason and I love all you very much and even though we don't get to see you that often we just want you to know that.

Some pictures from the Holidays!

2009-01-07T07:22:00.000-05:00

My grandma had a project for the boys....this clothesline has been there since my Grandpa built the house and my Grandpa wanted to make sure it wasn't going to move. It took 6 to start it and a couple of more to finish.

My dad loves being Uncle Bubba and they love him too. If you ever need babysitters for free, ask me. I will bring Jason and then dad for when he gets tired : )

The great grands enjoy one of my favorite childhood moments, philler crabs dug out of their home from the marsh. Except we were a little more creative as we would set up race tracks and see which one would win. When they are little older, we just might have to show them.

Dad, doing what he does best. Cooking some amazing Low Country Boil, this time it was for all 55 of us. Thanks Dad for all you do :)

Grandma of course loved on her Great Grands. This is one of the newest cousins, Jasmine. She was full of so much sugar...

Grandma with Jason's little man, cousin John Wayne. You can eat this little boy up. Look at that face....

Snapshot of the volleyball game. Jason's team is on the left. They one both matches, he was proud. We have some tall boys in my family. Uriah 6'10ish and Elijah 6'8 just to name a few. Girls didn't have a chance playing with these boys.

Jason and I, out for NYE!

These are just a few. If i get a chance I will post some more later.

A little introduction of 2009...

2009-01-06T19:04:00.000-05:00

I know it has been a while since I have completed a Coakley Newsletter and I was asked the other day when the next one would be. We decided to start a blog for Jason and I both to use so we can keep others informed of things that are going on in our life. Unfortunately we get so busy here in a Florida, we don’t get to talk to our loved ones as much as we like. I have created a blog for us hopefully to help fill that gap, if we can remember to update it along our journey.

I hope everyone's Christmas was great and had a Happy New Year.

I will start off with some sad news that I received about a week before Christmas about my Grandma, my father's mother. She had gone to the Dr. due to a bruise that would not go away and after some test she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. She has been ongoing test since then and we are not sure at this time what or if there will be any treatment. She had a PET scan done today and that, I believe, is the last of the test. We are hoping for some good news. This has been really hard on me because she lived across the street for most of my childhood. Seeing her at Christmas, so fragile and tired, made it all too real. We are heading up there this weekend to spend some time with her. As you know, my family is large. My grandma has 55 total with her children, grands and great grands. This Christmas he was able to have all 55 of us together and of course have the traditional low country boil for Christmas. This was the first time, EVERY, we were all able to be together at one time. The boys of course played volleyball, gnats and all. Jason complained for weeks about his bites but being the competitive person he is, he just couldn't say no.

It was great getting to see those I have not seen in a long time and spend time with their new additions. We are hoping this is the start of an annual get together. In June we had planned to rent a log cabin in Tennessee that would be able to house all of us but the Lord had a different plan for us and did not want us to wait that long. We just got our reunion a little bit sooner. Please, keep my Grandma and my family in your prayers as we continue on the new path that has been created for us. We know we have no control and that the Lord has a plan for each and every one of us, we just have to believe that the Lord has a reason for all and will help us through it.

Now, to Jason and I. As most of you know for about a year now we have been trying to add an addition to our family of three, we can't forget Louie, but I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD) back in I believe July. Since then we tried fertility medication alone but it was not working for me. We were referred to an Reproductive Specialist back in September and after a serious of test and findings, I was put on a many different medications and I guess the combination was just right because last month I finally responded the fertility medications. Our Dr. believed that to increase our chances, Jason also has some fertility issues, it would be better for us to do IUI, Intra-uterine insemination. Last month was our first and unfortunately it was negative.

Now, we are attempting round two with this new combination and we are just giving you another reason to include us to your prayer list. We know when it is our time, we will be blessed and until then we will do all we can to get there. With all the Dr. appointments and medications, it has been expensive but we know in the long run it will be worth. Along with PCOD comes other problems which our Dr. found out that I am hypothyroid and IR (Insulin Resistance). Both of these conditions make me a high risk for gestational diabetes and also miscarriages. If or when we do get pregnant, we will just have completed one of many steps not to mention the fertility part of it which could provide us with multiples.

So, as you can see we have plenty of things to blog about as we start 2009. We know that many people want to know when and what is going on and we thought this would be the best way. Of course, this doesn't mean we don't want to talk to you on the phone but we feel this will help fill in the gap between the phone conversations!

We hope all are doing well and we would love to hear from you. We love you very much and miss you and know that you are welcome to take advantage of us living in Florida anytime. We love the company and so does Louie.