Today is the day....

Counting down the hours. Today at 5:00 PM so in 8 hours, I will hopefully find one or two perfect little heart beats on the ultrasound today. I am so nervous and having flash backs of that one day in the office when I was so excited about the last u/s with RE and everything just fell apart. All the dreams and hopes I had for that precious angel were gone.

Some people dont understand how we get so upset when we loose our babies at a few months but what they dont understand they moment we see two lines, we already have the babies future planned out. We already talk about our life and changes that need to be done and so forth.

I pray everyday that this is different, that we dont have to go through that grief and sorrow again. I feel like this one is different, I feel different and I know I just leave it in God's hand because he is in control.

Its kind of weird but I think I have two and have kinda had my mind wrapped around twins so if it is a singleton, I will be a little upset but I will be so happy.....

Alright, now only 7 hours and 45 minutes :)

ICLW

My First ICLW!

Today starts International Comment Leaving Week (ICLW), and this will be my first time participating! I'm looking forward to visiting new blogs I've never been to before, I love to follow new journeys and meet new friends.

For those of you that are new to blogging and have infertility, you may think strangers following you on a blog may be scary, I can tell you from experiences, if it wasnt for the girls that follow me and their encouragement along the way, I know I would have given up a long time ago. Having someone that knows every emotion you are having and dealing with, just means so much.

If you're visiting my blog for the first time, welcome, and thanks for stopping by!

A little about my self, I am 27, will be 28 first of May. My husband will be 27 next week. I married my wonderful husband June of 2004, we are coming up on our 5 year wedding anniversary and 3 year feritlity battle. Of course really the whole 5 yers was a battle because I came off BC as soon as we got married but did not learn about my fertility issues until 2008. I have PCOS, hypothyroid, and endo.

We started fertilty treatments beginning of 2008 and have completed several clomid cycles, 6 IUI's, and 2 IVF. We only acchieved pregnancy with both IVF. The first in 2009, we received a postive and had our weekly u/s from week 6. At week 12, last U/s with RE, they were unable to find a heartbeat. We were devistated and took a year off. Went on a wonderful vacation.

This year we decided to try IVF again, first FET we received our positive. I am currently 5 weeks pregnant, so very early and of course very scared. I believe God has control of all things and when he is ready for me to have a wonderful miracle, it will happen. I just hope he agrees this is the time and we have a heatlhy 9 months.

We find out next week if we are expecting 2 or 1 because we did put back 2 5day blast. Please follow my blog, I love friends and please leave a comment during ICLW.

Thanks for visiting again, hope you enjoy.

Results are in......

Did my blood work this morning and it was a BFP! Quote from the nurse "you are very pregnant". She stated that my levels were twice waht average and she is comfortable with not having to complete a 2nd blood test. I am scheduled next Tuesday, April 26, for our first ultrasound. We will find out then if we are having twins are just a one miracle baby. I am wanting to be so excited, I know I will be next week but now of course I am counting down till the ultrasound and just have the realization.

I did learn one thing, I have to live with my roots. I didnt know you couldnt highlight your hair if you were pregnant and I have highlight in my hair. They need to be done so bad and I actually had an apt this Thursday. I asked my Dr if it would be okay and he said "NO GO" Especially the first trimester. So, hopefully I can make it work.

The amazing process God created......

So, day of transfer our two blast looked like this......






The babies settled in my uterus next to my extremely full bladder.....






AND THE RESULTS....(Top test is 4DP5DT to make sure HCG was out of system, it was negative) the middle two are AM and PM test on 5DP5DT and the last one was taken this morning 6DP5DT and before I could sit it down it was already having a second line.....)

5DP5DT.....and I am

GOING CRAZY! I dont remember last IVF the wait being so bad. Today I thought I would be stupid and take a Dollar Store test thinking its a $1. What does it matter if I waisted it. I think there was a faint line BUT I may be making things up. You know we tend to do that. As for symptoms, I have been very fatigue and light headed, boobs are sore, cramps started yesterday, and my husband said I am being clumpsy but I am on vaginal progesterone which could cause several of those things. So, I am trying to just make it through the weekend. I know I will probably POAS everyday now because I think there was a faint line but I have read where 6DP5DT getting a faint positive. SO it may not be too soon.....


Monday Monday where are yoU!!!!!

you should be able to read my post now....

Sorry, dont know what was going on. Hopefully everyone will be able to read my post now after Ready Set Go!

Good News keeps coming.....keep it coming.....

Okay, sorry its been a bit since I have wrote. So.....egg retreival was done on Monday. Went under with about 13 follicles, they retreived 8. I have prayed for 6 so I was really happy with that number. I was in allot of pain and took the next day off work, it was allot worse then last time and I am sure it was because the difference in stimilation.

Tuesday: fertility report, out of the 8, 6 fertilized, lets plan on the 3 day transfer on Thursday.

Wednesday, still in allot of pain, went to work but it sucked.

Thursday: called to check and make sure we were still doing 3 day transfer, she stated that of the 6, 5 of them were 8 cells and looked great and they wanted to wait for day 5 to see how many blastocyst plus the percentage is better.

Friday: just ready to get Thursday over, I was finally not feeling so sore in my belly

Saturday day of transfer. I remembered my last transfer and being so painful due to my bladder about to bust. So, I decided to take it easy and not chug the water they ask you to chug. Well, 2 hours later and 5 cups of water later, my bladder was full. Once again, I was shaking and crying because I had to peepee so bad and just couldnt. Then of course my Dr and husbandy had a sence of humor and thought while she was pushing on my bladder with the ultrasound and he was opening my uterus, they would talk about water fountains and streams. NOT FUNNY! Anyways, two gorgous blasts were transfered. The report that day of the 5, only 3 were blast. The others werent far behind and they were gonig to give them a few more days to see because they would only freeze blast. I was kinda disappointed that we only had 1 but I was hoping it didnt matter. Took the day easy and Sunday for the most part.

Today: called the Dr to get report on embroyos, all three made it to blast and I now have three gorgeous frozen blast. I started crying, what a piece of mind. Little less pressure off right, lol, who am I kidding.

April 18th is the day for bloodwork. I am of course going to do my best from peeing on a stick but I just have such a good feeling and so does our Dr. I am trying to hold back because of the big posssible disappointment but I am suppose to be positive and that is what I am trying to be....positive.

Thanks everyone for keeping me in your prayers......now we just wait!!!!

Trigger day......

I went today for u/s and today was the day for trigger. on Friday we went and they scared me because there was huge blob on my left ovary and the nurse thought it was a cyst which meant that we were going to cancel the cycle (of course I have already taken about $2500 in meds) she brings the Dr in and he finds that it is a follicle, thank goodness but it was like a 19 which means I needed to trigger that day. Remind you, Jason went to IL this weekend, if we triggered on Friday we would have had retrieval on Sunday which would have not worked. After looking closer, the big blob turned out to be three follicles on top of each other and they were not large enough to have to trigger that night. Went today, several 19, 18, 16, and some small ones. I couldnt really count as he was calling out the sizes but each ovary still has a promising at least 5. Like I told Jason, I dont even care about being in double digits which would be nice but 6 would be a good number. Thats 3 transfers. Hoping we want have to worry about that but I still would like to have that peace of mind.

So, tonight was the trigger. I am fine giving my self all of the shots (FSH, low dose HSG, and even the Ganirelix) because they use insulin needles which are easy to do in the belly and you dont really notice them. But, as most of you know the trigger shot is a whole different ball game. Goes in a muscle and a pretty large needle. Jason always gives that one to me as I hold Louie and try not to think about it. This time, I had to do it and i had no clue how i was going to do that. Well, after about 5 minutes of debating what to do, I managed to suck it up and get it in my hip. I pulled back and thought I saw blood, freaked and pulled out. Of course that meant I had to put the shot back in, gave what i thought all of the shot, pulled out and guess what med still in the syringe. So, had to actually give my self the same shot three times (Are you kidding me) lol.....we all could write books couldnt we.

I now wait till Monday at 6:30 AM scheduled for the retrieval. I will know that day how many was retrieved and then usually the next day a call advising how many were successfully fertilized. I am under the weather most of the retrieval day but if I get a moment I hope to leave yall an update of how many eggs I got, pray for 5 or more! :)

Fear Number 1

Alright, first ultrasound since baseline. I was so nervous going in. I just knew I didnt have that many just like last time. First ovary, a 10 which is awesome and then about 6 or 7 more which were all decent size based on CD I am on. other ovary, about the same thing about 6 or 7. So at this moment we have about a dozen (maybe baker dozen) of eggs that are growing well. So, fear number one has been put to rest.....

Now fear number two comes up and its that when they do retreival I will have empty follicles like last time and end up with three......just praying this will not happen.

Praying my mommyhood days are coming soon......

Ready! Set! Go......!

Baseline completed! Bloodwork completed! First day of shots have come and gone. So, now we begin. Everything looked good on our baseline check up last week and we started I took Femera on Sat along with my daily dose of HCG and Follistem. I remember all the medicine from last time but the dose is so much more. What put it in perspective, I received the follistem cartridge of 2 (900 IU) and 2 (600 IU) and I put it in the fridge next two the left over from last cycle which was a 300 IU cartridge, we only bought 2 cartridges that cycle and I didnt even use all of them. Now I am donig 300 IU a day plus 60IU of HCG a day. After three days of shot my belly is so black and blue. I have at least 10 more days of shots to go, where am I going to put them all. Positive note, its nice outside so I am wearing dresses and dont have to deal with the rubbing of pants or jeans. Plus, dont know if my jeans would button because of the swollen ovaries I have that make me feel 3 months pregnant. The things we will go through to get pregnant, almost forgetting about the 9 months of torture I am beggin for.

So, this IVF we have kept quiet. The last IVF we told our family every step of the way and called them the day we got the results. Of course, my momma couldnt get her excited mount quiet and told almost everyone in the town she lives in. We started getting congrats cards in the mail after I remember distingly telling mom, keep this quite until we are comfortable to tell everyone (3 months). So, we last the baby right at 3 months and when I went to IL to visit my mom, everyone was telling me congrats still. I felt so bad telling them we lost it plus I just really didnt want to talk about it right now. We love our families, we just wont to go through this together and we will include them soon enough. My mom is going to be so mad when she finds out but it is actually better for her emotionally becuase she would call me everyday, "how you feeling" "what you doing" "you been eatin right" ....blah blah blah. I know it comes from a loving plate but when you trying to be stress free it doesnt help.

We go on Wed for our first U/S, so nervous. I know we will have an idea at that point how many follicles we are working with. We are so nervous because I usually produce low and we only got 3 eggs last time to work with. I am nervous after everything we will be back in the same spot. So, everyone please keep us in your prayers!

change again.......

Okay, so I will make this long story short. The "DR of multiples" with the high sucess rate (our new RE) just didnt feel right. We went before vacation to what was suppose to be our IVF consultation. We met with nurse to go over medication and how to give myself a shot (like I dont already know that after 3 years of feritlity treatments) and go over the calendar, we then met with Dr who completed a vaginal ultrasound and did a Saline (trial) transfer, and then we went to pay our co-pay of $50.00, well or we thought. They slapped a $500 bill on us and we still dont know for what. I thought, this must be part of the $8,500 for the IVF, sat down with the financial nurse who advised it was not and it would cost us around $13,000 for the IVF including the meds and they dont have a payment plan or financing. The $13,000 would be due at start date of March 15th. So, we go home and start checking our accounts to see where we wanted to pull this amount from because its 2 weeks away......

Then it hit me. I dont like these people, the staff is rude, the Dr doesnt ask you questions he just tells you and schedules. Then they are making us pay $500 and for what, never explained the cost. Is this who we trust with an entire savings account to do what is right for us, what is best for us!

I dont think so. The reason we didnt go with our RE from prior IVF was because we felt robbed. We loved them and they loved us. It is the type of office where the nurses dont have to look at your chart to know your name or what is going on. (Insert about other Dr, they have to take our picture and put on our file, weird) After discussion, we thought we should at least hear him out as to why he thought we only had 1 quality egg out of an entire IVF cycle....we made appointment and met with him the Friday we left for vacation. He made us understand everything....we did what is called a mini stim IVF. The goal is not to provide eggs and is less medicine which in return is less money. He stated if we chose to go on with him for a second one, he would do a traditional which the goal is to produce as many eggs in a healthy way. YEAHHHH!!!!!! And by the way, they have a payment plan if we wanted to utilize and cheaper.



SOOOO.....change again is the RE. We are back with Dr Lipari and we are so happy and comfortable about that. We got the calendar in the mail yesterday. We have our baseline ultrasound Tuesday and then start with the injections. He was not kidding about last IVF being less meds. Just to sum it up there are 11 catagories on the chart for meds and I have something in every colum. I am going to be one toxic woman.

Keep us in your prayers as we go through this, again! : )

Plan B (once again)

Well, guess what. 2 clomid cycles with IUI later....still no positive. That is a total of 6 IUI's and not one has worked. Our insurance only covers 6 lifetime IUI cycles so if we did decide to do another one it would be out of pocket. We did switch RE's this year so only 2 of those cycles were with him and he does recommend 3 before moving on to IVF but I just think we are tired of going through the process with no positive outcome. So......dundundun.......we are moving on to IVF!!!!!

Ugghhhh...nerves, butterflies, negativity, optimistic, scared, and so many more feelings come about when talking about doing another IVF cycle. We are hoping with this new RE, he will not be as conservative and we will at least get embroyos that we can freeze. Last time we eneded up with 3 at egg retrieval, only 2 matured, and we transferred both. when we lost the baby, we were not able to do a frozen cycle. I will feel so much better if we have that option after the transfer. I hope we get a miracle like last time and get pregnant on the first try, our new Dr is known as the Dr of multiple but I would love to have more then one so I am not that nervous about that. We have a great support system that would help us along the way.

Well girls and my few guy followers, here we go. The new journey of the IVF cycle. We meet with the Dr on valentines day to discuss the cost and the procedure. We will know then more about when we are looking on starting the cycle. we do have a vacation plan early March, so we are thinking after that.

Has it come to this....

One of my friends was in labor last night and I went early this morning to take items to the hospital they needed. I was there for a couple of hours and she was in so much pain. Only 7cm dialated and not moving plus the epidual didnt work. I couldnt help my self wishing I was the one in pain. Has it come to me wanting to be in pain and wanting to hurt the way she was hurting. You would think, this girl is sick! She needs help! I just think the absentee hurts worse then any labor pain.

Thinking about it, I dont know so much I wanted her pain as I wanted the good pain. That is wonderful pain, knowing you are going to meet for the first time your beautiful little boy or girl. A little pain is worth it. The pain I feel doesnt feel like it is ever going to end. No end in sight.

On a happy note, she ended up having a c-section and delivered a 6lb 2ounce baby boy. I just have to keep believing and have faith that this one day will be me. That my husband will be the one needing the Dr Pepper at 4:30 in the morning.

God, I know this is all a test. I believe I have passed with flying colors! Please give me my miracle!?!?!?

OV day 1

So, I decided this cycle that I would try the Ov-Watch to see. I had read some reviews of PCOSers who used it and was pregnant within first few cycles. not many that advised false positive like pee sticks. so, yesterday was OV1. YEAH!!!! Its crazy. It tells you 4 days in advise of FD1-4 then you have OV 1 and 2. So, I dont know....quite a nice time period. So we BD only two of the days because of my crazy schedule right now but never the less. Hopefully, this is what we need. If not we did go ahead and make an apt with a new RE we are looking at using. Our apt is Nov 8th We have heard really awesome things about him so we will see.

I know I completed a check list prior but I think we are just ready to move forward. not everything is going to be perfect and honestly my job is just going to have to deal with it. its a part of life for allot of people to go through infertility.

Job Interview

Well, had job interview on Friday which will help us decide how soon we can start back our fertility treatments. Due to the position I am in now, it is really hard to get personal time and sometimes we work 60 year weeks, like now, which makes it hard to plan a cycle because we know that never goes as planned. So, hopefully I will get this job and have a normal 40 hour week schedule and be a less stressful environement. This would allow us to start planning our cycle now instead of waiting till the beginning of the year when we are slow.

As for who to start it with, that is a different subject. Our last RE was awesome. We loved him and his staff. However, I felt as if he is very conservative and it cost to much money to be that way. We went into egg retrival with 7 follicles, only retreived 3 eggs and only 2 took. Which means we had none to freeze for a frozen cycle. I just feel like we didnt get all we could out of the cycle. I am so happy he got us pregnant the first time but I just want to explore my options.

There is another RE in town who has a very high sucess rate and is the same price as our prior RE. A friend of mine used him and loved him. She got pregnant the first transfer with twins. He is known as the Dr of multiples which could be a good and bad thing. Means he is aggressive but do I want to be too agressive.

When we get a day, we are going to make an apt with his office and see if he is someone we would be comfortable using. I am so ready though. I feel more eager and eager everyday but also nervous to start this process again.

So the check list begins:

1) get more flexiable job
2) get physcially ready
3) get emotionaly ready
4) get financially ready
5) pray, pray, pray......