Thursday, February 26, 2009

Where did February go?

Hello everyone. I lost someone that was very important to me on Feb 12th. She had a very short battle with breast cancer. As you all know my Grandma was diagnosed around Christmas time. Jason and I have been going every weekend to see her but there was something about the last time we went. The way she hugged us and told us she loved us when we left. When we got in the car, I told Jason, I have a feeling that will be the last time we will see her. Sure enough, sitting at work on Tuesday, I got a call that morning from my mom. She had taken a turn for the worst, she said her goodbyes that morning, gave my aunt her wedding ring, and told her not to worry if everyone didn't make. My mom and dad jumped on the first plane out of Bloomington and I picked them up at the airport and made it to Brunswick around 5:00 PM that day. My dad had not seen Grandma in about a month, last time he saw her she was up sitting in her chair, weak but the same Grandma we had always much had changed in that short amount of time.

Grandma had the comfort of being in her own home but one thing she was not happy about it was being in a hospital bed instead of her own. She looked for any excuse as to why her bed would be better, which we cant blame her. Due to the fluid that was building up in her lungs though, the hospital bed was the only option. My dad, mom, and I got to spend a lovely evening with Grandma Tuesday night letting her know how much we love her and how much she means to us. Wed, she slept most of the day....all my Aunts were home by this time and my Great Uncle and Aunt not wanting to leave her side but she had other plans. She let us know that we were crowding her and she only wanted us in there one at a time, "got to love a woman that knows what she wants, even in a time like this" Shifts started to take place, first every 3 hours, then every 1, and by Thursday afternoon about every 15 minutes. Thursday morning my mom and I were going to eat with my cousin and something told me to tell Grandma I loved her. I kissed her on the forehead and said I love you, she opened her eyes and said "I love you too, hunny". That was one of the last things she said that day. She left us around 11:30 PM that night, right when we were all getting ready for night shift. She went peacefully with my Aunt Rhonda in the room and my Aunt Rose sleeping beside her in the bed.

The next couple of days were very very hard but we had the support of our big family and spoke of all the great memories we had. Once again we piled up in a house like true Henderson's and had a blast. We had to remember, this was Grandma's HOME GOING and it was a happy day. Valentine's day we had her visitation and it couldn't have been more prepared. My Grandma had picked her a beautiful red dress to wear and she wanted a quilt that my Nanny (her mother) had made draped on the casket, she decided this in early Jan. The quilt had red hearts all over it...she knew she would be going to see Grandpa on Valentine's Day. Per her request, we all wore Red and Pinks for the Home Going events. It was so hard to say Goodbye to her that last time. I didn't want to say Goodbye but I had too. I think I am still numb from everything, its so hard to know that she is gone from my life. She was such an amazing woman, I think the pastor said it best when he said there was no one else like Betty. She has touched everyone she had met in some great way and that is who she was. Even towards her last days she was worried about everyone else. Jason and I both wrote her letters to let her know how much she means to us....I also wrote the poem below:

My Grandma Henderson

My grandma is warm hugs and sweet memories.
She remembers all of my accomplishments and forgets all of my mistakes.

She is someone I can tell my secrets and worries to,
and she hopes and prays that all my dreams come true.

She always loves me, no matter what.
She can see past temper tantrums and bad moods,
and makes it clear that they don't affect how precious I am to her but will set me straight.

She says encouraging words and has a tender touch.
She is full of proud smiles and shows how living for the King of Lords can bring you happiness.

She is the one person in the world who loves me with all her heart, who remembers the child I was and cherishes the person I’ve become.

Grandma, I love you very much and want to say,
Thank You for being you!!!

Amanda Coakley “09
My Grandma was not only a Grandma, she was a best friend, neighbor, and my 1st Grade teacher. I wrote the poem to let her know, I did learn something in first grade....she got a kick out of that :)
Anyways, Feb is almost gone and I don't know where it went to. I am ready for March though to have a fresh start plus its time to start laying out at the beach and the pool. That always makes a girl feel good. The day after the funeral, I came down with Bronchitis and still battling. I have three days to get back to feeling like my old self so I can start March off right.
Fertility cycle did not go well this month, I didn't ovulate at all. They want to go more aggressive this cycle with more injections which I think is a good idea. I ha vent been responding very well on the medicine we have been trying. The more they up the medication though, the higher risk for multiples as they state but I know we will only get what the Lord thinks we can handle. We are taking a month off though to distress my body, if possible. We will start everything back up around mid March.
Thanks everyone for the cards and thoughts. It is always nice to have in a time of loss. Thanks again!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Just some recent information...

Sorry havent posted in a week or so. Its has been busy. My middle sister flew in on Wed to see my Grandma since she hasnt since Christmas. The last weekend Jason and I was there, Grandma was sleeping more but she was still going from her bed to her chair and even to the dinner table to eat. Since I didnt get off til 8:30 PM that night and Alisha had a long day of flying, we had chosen not to go up until Thursday morning. As we were sitting around playing rock band we got a scary call. My mom upset stating that Grandma was having a hard time breathing and she wanted us to go now. Luckily Jason and I have been living out of our suitcases, we grabbed what ever we had and packed the car and left within 10 minutes of the phone call. The whole way there I was crying because I just knew it would be my fault that my sister didnt get to say goodbye to Grandma. When we got there she was sound to sleep and come to find out she just had an anxiety attack which made it hard for her to breath. They got her calm down and she slept well.

The next morning, I noticed all the changes since the last time I was there which was less then 4 days ago. She now was short of breath just getting on a potty chair beside her bed, her appetite was little if any, and she was in a hospital bed. She had went from a Grandma that was up and moving to Grandma that would get out of breath just speaking with you and couldnt get out of bed. She is only awake in interverls but everytime she opened her eyes, we didnt want to miss anything and would have a "party" in her room. It was great to be able to spend time with my Aunts and my cousins who came down later that week. Alisha and I had a great time just holding her hand and feeding her ice chips when needed. I will say, it is a blessing to be able to know someone is going to be leaving you and being able to spend as much time with them as possible but I wouldnt wish this on anyone. Wathcing someone you love so much, slowly progress to what she calls her Graduation. We know we cant heal her but my only prayer is that she is not in any pain. She doesnt seem to be other then the dry mouth and not being able to breath very well. My mom and dad are coming in on Wed and I believe that is what my Grandma is holding on for. To say Goodbye to my dad.

Please continue to keep my Grandma in your prayers that she stays pain free and our family in your prayers as we all will have to deal with a hard loss.

As for the fertility, I did two IUI's on the 2nd and 3rd. We are scheduled for a blood test on the 18th to know if we will be blessed this month or not. They said that since I am not responding very well to the current fertility medicine, they may change our combination next month if this month is not a sucess. I really would like to tell my Grandma before she goes but I know that its not my time, its his time!